Me Human, Richard, has suddenly become very active on Facebook doing all sorts of strange things.
Let me give you a couple of examples:
He's taken pictures of everyone's shoes for his 'whose shoes?' feature, he makes the team pose for 'funny' pictures as though they were having a punch up over a can of beer for example and he makes them hold up hand written notes usually about he kind of day they're having.
It's all bonkers and the team now raise their collective eyebrows' when they hear the immortal words: 'Okay, I need to take a couple of photos!'
Seems like a lot of palaver to me... as per the subject of a previous blog all you need to do is sniff someone's wee and you find out all you need to know about them... but apparently you humans have got some kind of taboo about that.
Anyway, back to Facebook... and you can have a look at our Facebook page here: www.facebook.com/accountantsedinburgh to see what kind of muppetry is going on...
But I have to admit, though it pains me to do it, that it seems to be working. We're getting lots of comments about the page (A guy Richard is working with in Taunton, that's Somerset, said to him 'You do a lot on Facebook, don't you?) and me other human Renee is really busy with new customers.
The thing is, though, no-one has yet said, 'I've signed up because I saw you on Facebook.'
Although I'm almost too modest to admit it, some people have said, 'I signed up because you've got a great dog!'
Almost too modest, but not quite.
So what's going on with Facebook? Is increased numbers of new customers to do with social media, is it just because the economy is getting better or is it a whole range of factors?
Answer on a postcard, please, but not to me. I'm a dog and not really interested!
Of course, you could always have a look at a really good Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/barneytaxassist?ref=hl
Wednesday, 18 September 2013
Tuesday, 10 September 2013
Eejitry (yes eejitry) of the highest order
Me human, Richard, is usually a pretty level headed bloke but sometimes, just sometimes, he performs eejitry of the highest order.
Take the new 'phones Renee and he got last week as an example.
R and R got new 'phones last week... i-phone 5s as it happens, which needed new SIM cards to be put in them. Apparently SIM cards are getting smaller and smaller and the new nano SIMs where a bit fiddly.
He got the first SIM in okay but the second one he made a complete hash of and the SIM got stuck in the 'phone.
What a nugget!
Anyway, he fiddled about with it for a while before deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valour so is cowardice the best part of discretion. He bravely decided to leave it for someone else to sort out*.
In the meantime he successfully sorted our Renee's 'phone and all that was left to do was contact O2 to get her telephone number switched over.
Now, here's where the story gets complicated.
I'd just walked Richard home and he was going to make the call to O2 to switch numbers and then go and buy something for tea.
He made the call to the guy at O2 who duly switched both Renee's and his numbers over to the new SIM cards.
Renee's 'phone worked fine (although that was lucky, too, if you think about it... there was a 50/50 chance that Renee's number would have been switched to the SIM that was stuck in Richard's new 'phone because he'd mixed up the SIM card packs).
Richard's number was also switched to the new SIM which meant that his old 'phone stopped working and the new 'phone wasn't yet functional!
What a divvy!
But here's the real eejitry:
Renee had Richard's wallet in her bag and she was out at Pilates. Richard had no money and no way to ring Renee to ask her to visit the shop on the way home!
What a plank!
So what does this tell us about you humans?
Well, I think it's three things:
Take the new 'phones Renee and he got last week as an example.
R and R got new 'phones last week... i-phone 5s as it happens, which needed new SIM cards to be put in them. Apparently SIM cards are getting smaller and smaller and the new nano SIMs where a bit fiddly.
He got the first SIM in okay but the second one he made a complete hash of and the SIM got stuck in the 'phone.
What a nugget!
Anyway, he fiddled about with it for a while before deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valour so is cowardice the best part of discretion. He bravely decided to leave it for someone else to sort out*.
In the meantime he successfully sorted our Renee's 'phone and all that was left to do was contact O2 to get her telephone number switched over.
Now, here's where the story gets complicated.
I'd just walked Richard home and he was going to make the call to O2 to switch numbers and then go and buy something for tea.
He made the call to the guy at O2 who duly switched both Renee's and his numbers over to the new SIM cards.
Renee's 'phone worked fine (although that was lucky, too, if you think about it... there was a 50/50 chance that Renee's number would have been switched to the SIM that was stuck in Richard's new 'phone because he'd mixed up the SIM card packs).
Richard's number was also switched to the new SIM which meant that his old 'phone stopped working and the new 'phone wasn't yet functional!
What a divvy!
But here's the real eejitry:
Renee had Richard's wallet in her bag and she was out at Pilates. Richard had no money and no way to ring Renee to ask her to visit the shop on the way home!
What a plank!
So what does this tell us about you humans?
Well, I think it's three things:
- You over complicated communication - just sniff each other's wee and that should tell you everything you need to know
- You are now bereft when you lose your mobile 'phones, even for a few hours
- Even the most sensible of you are prone to bouts of eejitry... to a greater degree (like Richard) or a lesser degree (like Renee)
*Richard did eventually ask a professional to help with the stuck SIM card... but of course he blamed Renee for trying to do something with the 'phone whilst he wasn't there to supervise. Honestly, he knows no shame that bloke!
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
Swinging
I could scarcely believe me doggy ears last week... shocked I was.
I've never heard anything so rude and if I could go red I would have done, even under me fur.
And it all started down the pub.
You see I often take me humans Renee and Richard down the pub for me Saturday lunch... usually to a place in town because they are sensible people and let in good looking well behaved woofers.
We've been a few times now and the lady who runs the place is very friendly... there are dental sticks galore!
She was telling me (me humans were there, too) about this couple they had in at the pub.
They'd had a party (the older couple, that is) but most of their guests had left. Just as things were wrapping up the fella slipped his arm around the landlady's waist and whispered into her ear, 'So I hope my wife and I will see you and your husband later?'
'Oh no,' says the landlady, 'We'll be working until quite late so we really couldn't come for a drink.'
The man coughed apologetically.
'Perhaps I haven't made myself quite clear. We're inviting you into our swinger's circle.'
WHAT?
'Errmmm, well, obviously, errr, I'm well flattered, but well, I'm happy... I mean we're happy being a couple... You know.' The landlady smiled weakly.
The wife must have seen the slightly dazed and shocked look on the landlady's face because she sidled over. 'Oh dear,' she said. 'Did my husband frighten you by being a little too direct?'
Now the landlady was getting annoyed.
'No he didn't frighten me... it's just not the bag we're into, thank you very much,' she said with a touch of asperity.
'Theres no need to be frightened,' continued the wife. 'I was frightened the first time, but it really is very enjoyable...'
'Yes,' piped up a lady's voice from the table. 'It's good fun, you'll really enjoy yourself and it's all very gentle.'
I can't believe this, thought he landlady to herself, looking round for her husband.
And fair play to the guy, he saw trouble was brewing so he was over like a shot: 'I wonder if you'd mind checking in the kitchen... now, who'd like another drink?'
Well, me fur was well and truly ruffled by this...
It's not exactly the swinging that was the problem, although I can't see it meself. It was the fact the subject was broached and even after saying 'no' there were quite a lot of pressure applied.
Now, there's nothing wrong with asking for the business, as it were, but you have to read the situation, too. If it's a no-no, let it go. If its a no-not now, well then there's a different approach to be taken.
Monday, 26 August 2013
Bark in the Park
Well, me adoring fans, you missed it...
Not Bark in the Park particularly, although you may have missed that, too. No, you missed me birthday.
Yes, I was the big 4... just 4... on Sunday and a very enjoyable day I had, too.
In fact, I feel both happy and proud today and not only because unlike you human blokes, I just seem to get more and more handsome, the older I get.
I must admit it's me human Renee who says that and she may be just a little biased, but I think we can all agree to the sentiment that she's so ably professing.
No, it's not my magnificence that I'm really pleased with on this occasion, it's the fact that I went to Bark in the Park and helped raise money for St Columba's Hospice... www.stcolumbashospice.org.uk
If you've never heard of St Columba's Hospice or don't know what they do please visit their website. The work is amazing and so very improtant to people with active, progressive and far-advanced illness (and their families).
Bark in the Park is only one of many events you could get involved with throughout the year, whether as a fundraiser or an organiser...
Okay, enough of that: back to me...
Someething seems to have happened to me human, Renee. And I can trace it back to the exact moment it happened. She bought me a neckerchief on Sunday and immediately tied it round me neck - just to make me look like a red neck hillbilly... or as she prefers to call me, a scallywag and a scamp.
Now, I didn't think I could get any more attention than I already do, but I was wrong. It has to be said that the majority of the attention I used to get right was female... Richard always says that I would be a great asset to him if he were a single man.
But as soon as the bandana went around me neck, suddenly I became a whole lot more attractive to the blokes... in a manly, I want to be your mate and throw a stick for you sort of way. (As opposed to the 'I'd like to cuddle you and put a pink ribbon in your fur' kind of approach.)
Anyway, it suddenly seemed that Renee became very proud of me and couldn't stop herself from hugging me and telling everyone what a good boy I am...
But |I suppose that's only to be expected. She is only human after all.
P.S. all of my posturing is of course 'tongue in cheek' but please do go to the St Columba's Hospice web page. And if you can afford a pound, please donate it. It'll be a pound well spent.
Not Bark in the Park particularly, although you may have missed that, too. No, you missed me birthday.
Yes, I was the big 4... just 4... on Sunday and a very enjoyable day I had, too.
In fact, I feel both happy and proud today and not only because unlike you human blokes, I just seem to get more and more handsome, the older I get.
I must admit it's me human Renee who says that and she may be just a little biased, but I think we can all agree to the sentiment that she's so ably professing.
No, it's not my magnificence that I'm really pleased with on this occasion, it's the fact that I went to Bark in the Park and helped raise money for St Columba's Hospice... www.stcolumbashospice.org.uk
If you've never heard of St Columba's Hospice or don't know what they do please visit their website. The work is amazing and so very improtant to people with active, progressive and far-advanced illness (and their families).
Bark in the Park is only one of many events you could get involved with throughout the year, whether as a fundraiser or an organiser...
Okay, enough of that: back to me...
Someething seems to have happened to me human, Renee. And I can trace it back to the exact moment it happened. She bought me a neckerchief on Sunday and immediately tied it round me neck - just to make me look like a red neck hillbilly... or as she prefers to call me, a scallywag and a scamp.
Now, I didn't think I could get any more attention than I already do, but I was wrong. It has to be said that the majority of the attention I used to get right was female... Richard always says that I would be a great asset to him if he were a single man.
But as soon as the bandana went around me neck, suddenly I became a whole lot more attractive to the blokes... in a manly, I want to be your mate and throw a stick for you sort of way. (As opposed to the 'I'd like to cuddle you and put a pink ribbon in your fur' kind of approach.)
Anyway, it suddenly seemed that Renee became very proud of me and couldn't stop herself from hugging me and telling everyone what a good boy I am...
But |I suppose that's only to be expected. She is only human after all.
P.S. all of my posturing is of course 'tongue in cheek' but please do go to the St Columba's Hospice web page. And if you can afford a pound, please donate it. It'll be a pound well spent.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Is it Autumn or Not?
It's a debate that's raging around the office, I can tell you...
Well, when I say 'raging' I mean that some of the guys had a conversation about it the other day.
Opinion is divided on the matter: Richard says it isn't and everyone else says it is.
The upshot of all this is that the team thinks Richard should really get a life and stop wearing his shorts.
There is, it has to be said, a bit of a story about Richard and his shorts. Way back in the dim and distant past Dickie Boy said to himself, 'I know, it would be really good to wear shorts all the time (unless at work or going out) from the first of May to the thirtieth of September.'
And the tradition has stuck. The problem is, according to Renee, that he looks like a boy scout and his legs are just too thin to be wearing flaired shorts at his age. And to make matters worse, when he takes me for me walk at lunch time he changes back into his shorts and often forgets to put on his grown up trousers when he gets into the office.
That's why, sometimes when you come into the shop, he looks as though he's a bit jammed under the desk... it's because he's trying not to let our customers see that he's wearing shorts.
As an aside, the dreadful summer of 2012 was Richard's fault... yes, he wore his shorts tot he office in April and therefore caused a summer of disruption and bad weather!
Anyway, Autumn or not?
Well, officially of course, we have another month of summer. But let's examine the facts:
1. The leaves are turning already and there are many more leaves on the ground for me to roll in.
2. Everyone who's having summer hols has had them... even Nicola G from the office is back on Monday and then that's it.
3. It's quite cool for those of you without fur coats in the morning when you step out of the shower.
4. Tax returns are coming into the office very quickly - a sure sign that you lot are thinking about getting everything sorted out for the new year.
5. It's now much darker int he early evening and the nights are fair drawing in.
The thing is, it doesn't feel to me like it can be Autumn already... I mean it's only been five minutes since the clocks went forward.
I distinctly remember Richard saying to Renee that 2012 went by far too quickly and they really had to slow down 2013... and here we are virtually into winter.
So, Renee has two questions to ask you: Do you have any tips to slow down time? And if you don't please an you get your tax return stuff to us 'cos if we're going to be busy anyway, we may as well be REALLY busy.
Actually, she has a third question: Can anyone suggest a way of persuading Richard not to be so dedicated to wearing his shorts throughout the summer?
And let's hope none of the team reads this blog - especially the bit about being REALLY busy!
Well, when I say 'raging' I mean that some of the guys had a conversation about it the other day.
Opinion is divided on the matter: Richard says it isn't and everyone else says it is.
The upshot of all this is that the team thinks Richard should really get a life and stop wearing his shorts.
There is, it has to be said, a bit of a story about Richard and his shorts. Way back in the dim and distant past Dickie Boy said to himself, 'I know, it would be really good to wear shorts all the time (unless at work or going out) from the first of May to the thirtieth of September.'
And the tradition has stuck. The problem is, according to Renee, that he looks like a boy scout and his legs are just too thin to be wearing flaired shorts at his age. And to make matters worse, when he takes me for me walk at lunch time he changes back into his shorts and often forgets to put on his grown up trousers when he gets into the office.
That's why, sometimes when you come into the shop, he looks as though he's a bit jammed under the desk... it's because he's trying not to let our customers see that he's wearing shorts.
As an aside, the dreadful summer of 2012 was Richard's fault... yes, he wore his shorts tot he office in April and therefore caused a summer of disruption and bad weather!
Anyway, Autumn or not?
Well, officially of course, we have another month of summer. But let's examine the facts:
1. The leaves are turning already and there are many more leaves on the ground for me to roll in.
2. Everyone who's having summer hols has had them... even Nicola G from the office is back on Monday and then that's it.
3. It's quite cool for those of you without fur coats in the morning when you step out of the shower.
4. Tax returns are coming into the office very quickly - a sure sign that you lot are thinking about getting everything sorted out for the new year.
5. It's now much darker int he early evening and the nights are fair drawing in.
The thing is, it doesn't feel to me like it can be Autumn already... I mean it's only been five minutes since the clocks went forward.
I distinctly remember Richard saying to Renee that 2012 went by far too quickly and they really had to slow down 2013... and here we are virtually into winter.
So, Renee has two questions to ask you: Do you have any tips to slow down time? And if you don't please an you get your tax return stuff to us 'cos if we're going to be busy anyway, we may as well be REALLY busy.
Actually, she has a third question: Can anyone suggest a way of persuading Richard not to be so dedicated to wearing his shorts throughout the summer?
And let's hope none of the team reads this blog - especially the bit about being REALLY busy!
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
A holiday of 2 halves
As you may have realised I've taken me humans on holibags... although we're back in Edinburgh today...
Well, we had to be didn't we? Me adoring fans at the Festival haven't had the chance to see me and take photos. That's comin' this afters so there should be lots more pics up on me Facebook page later on.
Anyway, me hols are going well, thanks very much for asking.
We travelled darn sarth on Friday night and got to Richard's mum and dads' very late... it was so late it was early the next morning.
'Shhhh,' says Renee as she was fumbling at the lock, 'People will be asleep.'
So, of course, I thrust passed her, banging the front door open with a crash before jumping up on me nan and granddad's bed to announce me arrival.
A very nice weekend we had but then had to move to Kidderminster where Richard was doin' some work. In all honesty we were having a hard time finding somewhere to stay... not many hotels take untrained humans.
But eventually Richard rings the place he always stays at (a Menzies Hotel called The Stourport Manor) and they allowed dogs!
To be a bit more accurate they more than allowed dogs... they were truly doggy friendly.
At one point I thought I was goin' to be dognapped by the receptionist... she was very, errr, enthusiastic. I don't often say this, but even I was getting tired of the constant hugging and the embarrassment of the long queue of people not able to check out because I was wiv me latest squeeze.
But, I have to say, the hotel staff really knew how to be doggy friendly. Brilliant and well done.
Now, this morning back in Edinburgh me humans decided I needed an MOT. Something about vaccinations and worming tablets.
I don't know what they were on about.
But horror of horrors, it was the Vet for me.
No I don't mind a nice vet but a year ago I sealed me bum over with poo.
Don't laugh, it was horrible and it's just a function of me lovely curls.
Anyway. I was taken to the vet who proceeded to shave my arse. But he shaved a bit close and gave me razor burn. My backside was brighter than one of the landing lights at Edinburgh Airport!
This morning, it turns out that the same vet who shaved me nethers was going to be sticking a needle in me. Just a little prick... and I ain't talking about the injection.
Needless to say, I saw an opportunity so I took it.
I don't think I actually broke the skin but the vet kept his fingers and toes well inside the carriage after that, I can tell you.
Now I don't condone that sort of thing and Richard certainly gave me a stern telling off, just as he was slipping me a crafty biscuit...
Off to the Festival now... see you next week!
Well, we had to be didn't we? Me adoring fans at the Festival haven't had the chance to see me and take photos. That's comin' this afters so there should be lots more pics up on me Facebook page later on.
Anyway, me hols are going well, thanks very much for asking.
We travelled darn sarth on Friday night and got to Richard's mum and dads' very late... it was so late it was early the next morning.
'Shhhh,' says Renee as she was fumbling at the lock, 'People will be asleep.'
So, of course, I thrust passed her, banging the front door open with a crash before jumping up on me nan and granddad's bed to announce me arrival.
A very nice weekend we had but then had to move to Kidderminster where Richard was doin' some work. In all honesty we were having a hard time finding somewhere to stay... not many hotels take untrained humans.
But eventually Richard rings the place he always stays at (a Menzies Hotel called The Stourport Manor) and they allowed dogs!
To be a bit more accurate they more than allowed dogs... they were truly doggy friendly.
At one point I thought I was goin' to be dognapped by the receptionist... she was very, errr, enthusiastic. I don't often say this, but even I was getting tired of the constant hugging and the embarrassment of the long queue of people not able to check out because I was wiv me latest squeeze.
But, I have to say, the hotel staff really knew how to be doggy friendly. Brilliant and well done.
Now, this morning back in Edinburgh me humans decided I needed an MOT. Something about vaccinations and worming tablets.
I don't know what they were on about.
But horror of horrors, it was the Vet for me.
No I don't mind a nice vet but a year ago I sealed me bum over with poo.
Don't laugh, it was horrible and it's just a function of me lovely curls.
Anyway. I was taken to the vet who proceeded to shave my arse. But he shaved a bit close and gave me razor burn. My backside was brighter than one of the landing lights at Edinburgh Airport!
This morning, it turns out that the same vet who shaved me nethers was going to be sticking a needle in me. Just a little prick... and I ain't talking about the injection.
Needless to say, I saw an opportunity so I took it.
I don't think I actually broke the skin but the vet kept his fingers and toes well inside the carriage after that, I can tell you.
Now I don't condone that sort of thing and Richard certainly gave me a stern telling off, just as he was slipping me a crafty biscuit...
Off to the Festival now... see you next week!
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
Penny Swallowing Children
My Bruvva, Adam, had to have an operation yesterday.
Very off putting it was and I won't give you the gory details 'cos they're... well, gory!
Suffice it to say he did very well for a fella who isn't covered in fur, even if the blood on his jam sandwich was a bit off putting when he was eating it!
It's funny, ain't it, how we get worked up about things. Me human, Richard was in a bit of state all day, waiting for news. Of course, we all got worried about the bit when Adam was having his op but it's probably the recovery bit that's going to be more difficult.
Fortunately, he should be right as nine pence in a few days, which is good, 'cos the non-hairy little fella is taking me to the festival... not to see any shows, of course, but to see how many people take my picture.
You'll have seen that I've got a new Facebook page (www.facebook.com/barneytaxassist) where me adoring fans can upload their pictures of me... hopefully there'll be a real Barney community before long with people from around the world uploading their pics!
Anyway... back to getting worked up about things, which is where I started all this.
Me human Richard was in Ireland a few weeks ago. There was a lady on his course who had just come back from maternity leave after having her third puppy.
No, I didn't mean puppy... I meant baby.
Richard was asking her about how having a third baby was different from the first.
'Well, sure now,' said the lady (she was from Ireland, after all), 'It's like this... when your first child does the inevitable and swallows a penny you dash to Casualty, pull up out side, dash in with tears running down your face and shouting 'my baby, my baby!''
She pauses for a minute. 'With your second, it's different. When he swallows a penny you're careful for a bit and search through his... errr... excavations to make sure the penny makes it all the way through.'
And the third?
'Ah, now, that's different again. When your third child swallows a penny you ask for the change!'
So, although it seems horrible to Adam and Richard's been like a bear with a sore head... it's probably best not to get too worked up! It will all come right in the end!
Very off putting it was and I won't give you the gory details 'cos they're... well, gory!
Suffice it to say he did very well for a fella who isn't covered in fur, even if the blood on his jam sandwich was a bit off putting when he was eating it!
It's funny, ain't it, how we get worked up about things. Me human, Richard was in a bit of state all day, waiting for news. Of course, we all got worried about the bit when Adam was having his op but it's probably the recovery bit that's going to be more difficult.
Fortunately, he should be right as nine pence in a few days, which is good, 'cos the non-hairy little fella is taking me to the festival... not to see any shows, of course, but to see how many people take my picture.
You'll have seen that I've got a new Facebook page (www.facebook.com/barneytaxassist) where me adoring fans can upload their pictures of me... hopefully there'll be a real Barney community before long with people from around the world uploading their pics!
Anyway... back to getting worked up about things, which is where I started all this.
Me human Richard was in Ireland a few weeks ago. There was a lady on his course who had just come back from maternity leave after having her third puppy.
No, I didn't mean puppy... I meant baby.
Richard was asking her about how having a third baby was different from the first.
'Well, sure now,' said the lady (she was from Ireland, after all), 'It's like this... when your first child does the inevitable and swallows a penny you dash to Casualty, pull up out side, dash in with tears running down your face and shouting 'my baby, my baby!''
She pauses for a minute. 'With your second, it's different. When he swallows a penny you're careful for a bit and search through his... errr... excavations to make sure the penny makes it all the way through.'
And the third?
'Ah, now, that's different again. When your third child swallows a penny you ask for the change!'
So, although it seems horrible to Adam and Richard's been like a bear with a sore head... it's probably best not to get too worked up! It will all come right in the end!
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