Latest economic Indicator: Dog Grooming

It's fair to say that I have a little trouble wiv me fur... mostly at both ends but sometimes in the middle, too!

Let me explain:

Me fur is gorgeous.  It's wavy, soft and I love me dreadlocks.  Although, I have to say I caught Richard raising his eyebrows at one of me admirers last week when they asked Renee how long it took her to braid me hair int he mornings.

In fact, as a dog, I'm so utterly perfect that me humans need do nothing to me, beyond a little trim up every so often.

Even when I take me humans for a walk through the muddier areas of Edinburgh there's no issue.  We get home and I have a little nap.  The muck dries whilst I'm asleep and when I get up it all drops off me.  There's usually a Barney shape left on the floor, marked out in grit, Renee gets the vacuum out and it's gone.

Simples.

Someone else may have used that line already.

Anyway... me fur was getting a bit long and I've had to have a couple of trim ups (as previously reported) because me fur flops in me eyes and causes issues around me nether regions... usually in the form of clinkers.

But, fans, I'm delighted to report that I'm all ship shape and Bristol fashion at the moment with no fur related issues to report.

Me recent trips to the dog grooming parlour have got me thinking, too.  You see, I saw a whopping great brand new van this morning that said 'Mobile Dog Grooming Studio' on it.  Then I saw another one (also brand new) and then someone came into the shop to set up a new canine cuttery business and so it goes on.

I'm certain there are more people setting up Pooch parlours than ever before (probably all hoping to have a shot at me).  Then by the powers of doggy deduction I've worked out that other businesses must be starting up as well and therefore the economy is on its way up.

Forget Mark Carney (Governor, Bank of England), just come to me, Barney Doodle (Governor, Bank of Dogs) and I'll tell you what's what.

In other news the new shop is progressing nicely and we'll probably be moving about the 12th December.

No pressure then.

Have a Goal

I have many opinions and ideas about business - all of them correct... at least from a dog's point of view.

And people are beginning to catch on.  Just look at O2's new advertising campaign.  'Be More Dog'!  I bet they got that from me.

Anyway, I'm about to give you the benefit of my infinite doggy wisdom and, if you follow my wisdom, success is guaranteed.  Errrr... I may have over egged the pudding with that last comment, but only a little bit.

Thinking about that I was allowing me humans to watch a film the other night and it had a brilliant line in it: 'Everything will be all right in the end and if things aren't alright, then it isn't the end!'

Brilliant.

Anyway, I was thinking about the effect of having a goal on people and I remember a time we was out with Richard's puppy, Adam.

It was a while ago when Adam was a bit younger.  It was  a hot summer's day and we were out for a bike ride with Adam and his older sister Katie.  Well, they were out for a bike ride, I was running.  I can't ride.

I'm a dog.

Katie had ridden ahead and was a few hundred yards (sorry, metres) up the road when all of a sudden Adam just stopped.  'I can't go any further,' says he, 'My legs ache and I'm too hot.'

Richard stopped, too, wondering what he could do to get Adam to move and thinking it was a long walk home carrying 2 bikes and an 8 year old boy.

'Come on, mate,' says Richard, 'Let's crack on.'

'No, I'm not moving!'

Then Richard had a brain wave.

'I tell you what, let's get to Katie as quickly as we can and then we'll have an ice cream.'

Adam was back on his bike and peddling like mad before Richard could spell k-n-a-c-k-e-r-e-d.

So, let's examine the facts.  Adam, who a moment before couldn't go another yard (sorry, metre) on his bike because he was so tired was now peddling like mad to get to his sister who was waiting outside a row of shops.

What had changed?

Not Adam... not the distance to be travelled... not even the weather.

It was simply that he had a goal to aim for, something to achieve with a reward at the end of it... and that's the effect of having a target to shoot for.

Although it pains me to say it, me humans are pretty good at that sort of thing.  They have a long term goal in mind and then everything they do ties in to that goal.

So my piece of advice to you, me dedicated fans, is to set some goals, give yourself something to strive for and then go for it.  It's almost irrelevant whether you make it or not - simply having the goal, as long as it's stretching enough, will mean that your performance will improve.

Go forth and set targets...

My nether regions

Hello, me hearties...

The clocks have gone back which, to my mind, means that it gets late early, if you see what I mean.

The weather is finally cooling down, the wind is blowing and the rain is falling... which is why it baffles me that me humans decided to get me a haircut now, just when I could really do with keeping me golden locks.

In fairness they have been trying to get me a shearing for a while without much success.  The lady who used to do me (so to speak) is having a break 'cos she's not been very well and another guy took one look at me dreads, shook his head and said, 'Sorry, I dursn't touch them!'  And left pretty smartish.

Eventually, though, me human Renee got a recommendation from a lady down the pub, she rang the place and Richard delivered me yesterday afternoon to get a trim.

He was given fairly strict instructions by Renee about what he had to say:

1. A good trim
2. But not too much off
3. Don't brush
4. Use scissors, not clippers
5. Tidy up face (the cheek of it)
6. Trim in belly area
7. Sort out the extra furry bits around me nether regions so clinkers don't form

Well, the bloke was as good as his word (and clearly terrified of making a mistake) because he left me pretty shaggy... which is nice.

Except around me gentleman's area.

I got a good shave around me bum and balls and me gentleman sausage too.

The problem is, I'm now aware of it 'cos I can feel a breeze and have the constant desire to... erm... shall we say 'tidy it up' at regular intervals.

I just know Richard is praying for someone to make the appropriate comment when I'm sitting in the middle of the floor with one leg behind me ear and me nose buried down below; you know the one:

'Oooh!  I wish I could do that!'

To which, of course, the only acceptable response is (altogether now): 'Give him a bone and he might let you!'

Boom Boom.

Anyway, my haircut wasn't too drastic so I'm still able to keep relatively warm.

So, on to the shop.  Things continue to move: the lease is going backwards and forwards between solicitors, quotes are coming in thick and fast, the architect is almost finished and we're starting the process of getting 'sharers' - people who are going to rent desks from us: if you know of anyone who is looking for a desk, point them in my direction.

In fact, the only thing that's holding us up is Planning Permission which should be through in a couple of weeks... so watch this space 'cos there's a big party coming!

You can keep up to date with progress on the move by Liking our Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh) or follow us on Twitter (@ReneeMackay)

Big things from little things

It strikes me as funny how you humans make big things from little things and vice versa.

I was thinking about this after encountering me new friend Denzil.  I have included a picture to show you why big vs little was suddenly at the forefront of me mind:

Let me explain what I mean...

Me human, Richard, once made a screw up at work, when he was still employed that was.  It wasn't a big screw up, just a little thing.

He ordered some training manuals in an old version and had to re-order some more.  All told the problem cost his company (a bank as it happens) about a hundred quid or so.

The thing was darling Dickie boy had to go through a procurement process even for this amount of money and, because he screwed up, he had to tell his boss that he needed another purchase order and why.

Blimey, did he worry about it... a got a knot in the pit of his stomach, couldn't sleep and really worried about things for days.

Finally, he screwed up the courage to tell his boss what he'd done.  And do you know what his boss said?

Yep, on this occasion you are quite correct...

'Thanks for telling me, no problem.'

Not only did he feel massive relief he also felt like a right muppet and was very angry with himself for not having the balls to confront things earlier.  (That's a doggy expression by the way and nothing to do with what you're thinking right now... honest).

I'm also finding the opposite is true of you humans, too.

Things that are really massive are sometimes dismissed with an 'Oh, it'll be alright.'

Take me for instance.  I heard me human Renee saying 'Barney's not going to be happy we're going out tonight.'  And all Richard could say was 'Oh, he'll be alright!'

See what I mean?

A massive decision to leave me alone was dismissed with four words.  As it happened I was alright.  I mean what better place is there than being in the presence of me own magnificence?

But there are other things, too.

Me human Renee is always talking about what's important and what's not.  Take accounts for instance.

Just about every accountant in the world talks about 'doing accounts' and being good at it.  But think about it this way - accounts are what accountants do; they should only be an issue if they go wrong.  So she gets her team at TaxAssist to differentiate themselves on how they look after customers - how they feel when they come to see us.

Of course, I play my full part in this... after all, who could not be happy at seeing me!

The New Shop

Well, me hearties, the shop is progressing apace...

Sort of.

I assume it's progressing apace but I don't really know 'cos it's all happening in the background at the moment.

Let me give you a couple of 'for instances'.  The lease.  I had no idea what was happening here until I gave our solicitor a call and then he told me that:

1. He'd got the lease from 'the other side' as he put it
2. He was going to read it that afternoon
3. Then me humans and no doubt me too (for me keen legal brain that is) would have it explained to us
4. Then we tell 'the other side' about any changes
5. They argue about them and we argue back
6. Finally we'll agree
7. Then we can sign

Sounds like a bit of a faff to me, but I suppose it's all important stuff.

We got an email from the Planning Department to say we'd definitely have a decision by 6th December but it would probably be before!

6th December?  What?

I mean how hard can it be?  It's not as though we're knocking the shop down!  But there we are, apparently thems the rules.  Seems like a bit of a faff to me.

The architect is drawing up plans as we speak and says he's got 16 desks into the space but we're just waiting for him to send the drawings over.  Seems like a bit of a faff to me.

We've started getting quotes in for external signs and carpets... yep waiting for those, too.

We'll get builders quotes as soon as we get the architect's plans... which also have to go to 'the other side' via the lawyer before they can approve them and sign the lease...

You know what?

My head hurts and it seems like one big faff to me.

Of course it isn't and it's all necessary and, to be honest this organising lark is only going to get more complicated before getting easier...

That's why I'm glad me human Dickie Boy is doing it.  So, if you have any ideas about how to do it better, things he should be considering don't hesitate to get in touch... with him, not me!  But we're trying to get in for the first couple of weeks in December so be prepared for our launch party!

By the way, don't forget we do have a lovely office here in Corstorphine available to take over.  There's six and a half years left on the lease with a break clause in eighteen months.  Lovely location, loads of passing trade, nicely done out...  get in touch if you want to know more.

0131 202 9888 or via the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh

Where you'll also find the first picture of the inside of the new place!

Shop update... yippee!

My darling fans and followers, whom I know are legion... I am delighted to tell you me humans have concluded the deal on their new shop.

Yippee!

So, just the legals to go and time to get the lawyers involved, which fills me doggy soul full of trepidation.

Anyway, back to the new shop.  As you know the old shop which has stood us in good stead for the last three and half years just isn't big enough any more.  With eight people and six desks... well, you can do the maths better than I can; I'm a dog.

Me human Richard, who gets charged for his desk by me other human Renee is usually gutted because because he he and Renee and the only team members who don't have a desk.  As Renee says: 'tuck your laptop under your arm, crack on and stop complaining, old boy.'

In fact, during the last three and a half years Richard has told every one who'll listen that his very own trouble and strife charges him for a desk.  He only does this because he's looking for a bit of sympathy and keeps doing it because he's had none to date.  Most people simply shrug their shoulders and say 'Sounds like good business to me' and that's an end of it.

Our new shop, then, is about three times bigger than the current outfit which means there's going to be plenty of room for everyone (including a desk for Richard) as well as space for extra stuff.

Renee asked the team what they wanted in the office, in an ideal world...

She was expecting outlandish requests... maybe the need for a hammock was upper most in someone's mind; for those lunchtime power naps.  Or maybe a fully stocked bar complete with optics and a pool table. Or maybe a massage table, complete with masseuse on permanent standby (that suggestion may have come from Richard).

But not a bit of it.  The team's requirements are much more down to Earth...

A good coffee machine, separate loos that can be accessed when Renee is having a meeting, a dishwasher and a desk each seem to be top of the list.

Well, I'm very pleased to tell them that I've authorised all of these things so all should be good!

To be (semi) serious for just a mo, though; the new shop is just what Renee and Richard have been looking for.  It's a perfect size, it's in great condition and, most importantly of all, it's right here in Corstorphine which means you don't have to worry:

YOU'LL GET THE PLEASURE OF MY COMPANY FOR MANY YEARS TO COME!

I ain't going anywhere.

I'll keep you posted with regular updates as to how the shop is progressing and, of course, when we'll be opening the doors.  I expect I shall be asked to perform the official ceremony, don't you?

See you soon me hearties.

Fabulous, Darling

I, in my infinite wisdom, have been lying around in the office for many months now...

I've begun to pick up on certain words and phrases which are beginning to pass into TaxAssist folklore.

But I'm starting the story in the middle, so to speak.  So let me explain a bit more about where I'm coming from.

It all started (we think) with Nicola Wilson in the office... you know the one: Nicola is the lady who Richard tries to take a picture of every week for Facebook and always fails.  She's either got her hands up, or her back turned or maybe there's just a spinning chair as she's made a harp sharp....

Whatever...

The important fact is that she's too fast for Richard.  You can see how fast she is here:

https://www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh

Anyway, back to Nicola.  It all started with a little phrase she says on the 'phone: 'Nae Bother' which is fine 'cos she always says it very nicely.  Richard, though. has started taking the mick by asking her 'How are you spelling that?'

And it's now dropped into the team's general language.  If anyone hears anyone else saying 'Nae Bother' it's immediately followed by 'How are you spelling that?'

Hilarious.  (Or at least everyone seems to think so.  I have to say it goes over my doggy head.  I must be a little bit too intelligent for our team...)

But other things have started to drop in, too.

Take the word 'Fabulous'.

It's brilliant.  'Fab-u-lous, Darling' expresses so much in just too words.  Say it in a Danny La Rue (or Sharon Osborne for those of a younger disposition) type way and you can get all sorts of nuances out of it.

But now the team says: 'Fabelous'... yes, 'Fab-e-lous'.

I mean, what's all that about?  Where did it come from?  Why is it encroaching on the language of the office and why has none of the team ever used it to describe me?

And, clearly, the answer to that last question is the most important of all!

I do recognise the need for social lubrication in making the world go round... after all, that's why you humans are so obsessed with talking about the weather... social lubrication, you see.  But please, for heaven's sake can you get your pronunciation right.

It drives me nuts and it would be nae bother to make the world fabelous.

Still it gives the team something to talk about!