Everything you wanted to know about pensions but were too bored to ask

No, don't look at me like that.

I can see your eyes drooping and can almost feel the pressure of your finger on the mouse as you decide to click away from me...

Don't go.

It's really very interesting.

Pensions...

Okay, perhaps not the most auspicious of starts to a blog but me and my team had a meeting this morning about our new pension scheme.

You see, it's time to start thinking about pensions again and Auto Enrolment is coming.

No, I didn't know what it was either but there's new legislation coming which says that by 2017 every employer is going to have to provide a workplace pension and contribute a minimum of 3% of salary.

Hmmm...

Me human, Renee employs 8 people (Although it's my team really.  After all I boss them about and get them to give me biscuits) and thought she'd get ahead of the game by creating her workplace pension scheme now, rather than waiting for when small businesses have to join in by law.

So, we had a meeting this morning and I've given my permission to start our scheme off with 2% of salary contributions which means employees don't have to contribute anything if they don't want to (although it would be sensible if they did).  We can increase our employers contributions over time.

My team will get the benefit of a pension starting early enough to make a difference and the business gets used to making these contributions, which we're going to make pretty soon in any case.

Now, here's the bit where I get outraged (again).  Like I said, this is my team, I run it and I'm part of it but I can't have a pension because... wait for it, you're going to be as outraged as me...

I'M A DOG.

I think that's a blatantly furrist attitude.  Just because I've got a tail and get around in the most sensible way (i.e. on four legs rather than the ridiculous two you humans use) apparently I can't get a pension.  And I was prepared to put in 4% of me own salary to build me pension pot.

My 4% would have been in the form of doggy biscuits and dental sticks right enough but no discrimination against woofers is what I say.

Anyway, when I put me fur back on and calmed down I had a little reflection to meself.  The lady who's putting this scheme together for us gave us some interesting stats:

• Anyone aged 21 today will retire when they're 75
• Anyone born today will retire when they're 80

But the stat me human Richard like best was that '70 is the new 50'.  It made him very happy given that he was 45 at the weekend.

Sorry, Dickie boy, I know you didn't want me to mention it but then you failed to give me extra chicken last night!

Anyway, if you're interested in sorting out a workplace pension so you're ahead of the game too, give Renee a shout.

reneemackay@taxassist.co.uk or have a look at www.taxassist.co.uk/corstorphine

Could be useful.

P.S.  I realise this blog was a bit more serious than usual... normal service will be resumed next week.  B