When Barney met Ted

Let's get one thing straight right from the very start... I don't like Ted.

It's not like it's sour grapes or nuffing... I mean it's not like he's better looking than me; he ain't.  It's not like he's cuter than me... that would just be impossible!  And it ain't like he can run faster than me.

Well, he might be able to run faster than me, but pound for pound I'm faster than him.

(I have a lot of fur to cart around with me.)

Anyway, being all gracious, I suppose from some angles Ted ain't a bad looking woofer and his curly fur might be attractive to some people who haven't seen a dog with dreadlocks... There might just be a tiny element of cuteness about 'im.

The point I'm making is that we're trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

I mean, he's no Barney, but he's alright.

So why is it, then, that we spend so much time trying to get people to do things they should just be doin'?

Let me explain in a bit more detail.  We all use other people because they're better at what they do than we are.  All we can do is tell them what we want and rely on them to tell us how to do it.  No, that's wrong... they should tell us how they're going to do it for us.

Take our new shop... (we're not there yet with the lease, thanks for asking and it's proving more difficult than we thought - the windows are rotten!).

Anyway... take our new shop.  We (when I say 'we' I, of course mean me daft humans) use VoIP 'phones and when Richard (the dafter of the two) rang up the provider and asked them what he needed to do to get new 'phones they said to him (almost word for word):

Them: Depends what you want really...

Rich: Errr... well, new 'phones... you know.  Answered on the same number - 0131 202 9888 - as the Corstorphine office and able to be transferred between the shops...

Them: Well, you probably need to go for fibre and then all you need to do is get an ATA box, install a business grade router, set up your hunt groups and auto messaging service and sort out your ring circuit.  The all you need to do is plug in your 'phone!

All you need to do?  All you need to do?

Who are they kidding?  Just tell me if it's possible and then sort it for me!  There's no need for all the splaff about boxes and rings and things I need to do.

Personally, I don't see why you humans need 'phones.  Just smell someone's wee and you'll find out everything you need to know.