Buses

I had a new experience at the weekend... something called a bus.

What a brilliant concept.

Lots of people all wanting to go to the same place, at the same time... so, stick 'em in a box, make 'em sit next to someone they don't want to sit next to and listen to music from someone else's earphones.

I loved it.

People got on and, because we were standing in the aisle everyone had to walk passed me.  I was stroked, tugged, smiled at, scratched and all manner of other pleasant things.

In fact, I was so happy I lost control of my tongue.  Fortunately, no-one noticed me licking the old guy's trousers... he was standing next to me, looking out of the window.  He did, however, look slightly perplexed and a little embarrassed at the warm wet patch that had developed at the top of one of his legs.

When I'd finished licking, I thought I'd have a look out the window and I got a bit confused.

There were lots of people on the bus going the same way I was I was going, but there were an awful lot more who weren't.

Why not?

What was up with them?  Didn't they want to come with me?  Or did they just not know where I was going?  Or, most disastrous of all, was I going to the wrong place?

Renee talks about this a lot... not buses.  Business Development.

She says building a business is about three things:

1. Letting people know that there's a bus to get them to the right place (Marketing)
2. Persuading them to get on board so we can help them get there (Sales)
3. Making sure they stay on board until it's time for them to get off (Service)

Brilliant!

I couldn't have put it better meself.

So, there you have it.  Business Development is like owning a bus.  But, the thing is, somehow, we forget these simple principles and we lose sight of the route.  That means either we, or our customers, end up at trhe wrong place!

Why is that?

Renee thinks that it's because we get busy and we have to concentrate on 'doing the job' rather than developing the business.

Of course, it could just be that you haven't got a cute dog to get people on your bus...

Look before you leap...

Why is it, even though my job in life is to make people smile, I sometimes make them cry?

When I say 'them' of course I mean 'her'.  My human.  Renee.

All I have to do to make people smile is walk along the street.  I see them, all the time.  They look at me and their lips twitch... maybe it's because of my perm, maybe it's because of my ridiculous pantomime tail.

Whatever; it's my job to bring a little happiness into the world.

On Saturday I had a moment of madness, though.  I was walking my humans along the Water of Leith and I'd (stupidly, as it happens) let them off their lead because there was a wall between me and the water, as well as the 15 foot drop the other side!  What trouble could I get into?

I ran off, sniffing as I went and then, just as the wall dropped to about 2 and half feet high, I leapt on to it and flung myself off the other side.

It was then I realised I might have miscalculated what I was trying to achieve.  I plunged down the 15 foot drop, heading for the concrete bank with screams of 'Barney' from Renee ringing in my ears.  I hit the branch of a tree and it was that which saved my life... it spun we away from the concrete bank and I hit the water with a slap!

Under I went but I came up with a yelp and started struggling for the bank.  I couldn't make it!  After the rains the water was running fast and deep and I went under again.

When I came up I could still hear Renee's screams but they were much fainter because I'd been swept down the river.  Fortunately the current took me into the bank and I scrambled out... but now I was lost.

I could hear my humans but I couldn't see them.

Then I heard a shout from above.  It was Richard.  He'd run down the path and was looking down at me from the wall, 15 feet above.  He ran further down the path, climbed under the fence and dropped on to the bank.  I needed no second asking and he picked me up, shoved me through the fence and I was safe.

It was mildly embarassing, the hugs and the tears I had to suffer, but I did take a moment to wonder why I leapt before I looked.

Maybe I should have planned a bit more.  Maybe I should have asked for help, maybe I could have considered the pros and cons of what I was doing and, just maybe, I would have spared Renee a lot of fear.

Maybe.

I still had another look over the wall as I went past.  I couldn't do anything about it, though... I was on my lead.

Like a scout - always prepared

It was a great surprise to me and the squirrel when he fell out of the tree...

I was working (or more accurately swimming) along a stream somewhere in Midlothian when I hauled meself out for a good shake.

It was as I was standing on the bank that I heard a crack and a squirrel, still clinging to the broken branch, landed next to me.

I was so surprised that I didn't even jump... he looked at me and I looked at him until he shook himself and staggered, slightly dazed towards a tree trunk.  Suddenly I realised the opportunity that was being presented to me... here was my chance to actually catch something that I was chasing... something that has never happened before!

With a bark I took off after the little varmint, but it was too late, he'd recovered and shot up the tree and I was left barking and tryin' to save a little face with me humans.

I heard Renee talking about it later (and it hurt when everyone had a good laugh).

She said the same thing had happened to her once.  Well, not a squirrel falling out of a tree.  In a previous business she was working away when a potential client came knocking at the door.  It could have been a biggy but she was so surprised she didn't perform at her best and the client legged it up a tree.

That was a long time ago and she's always ready for new clients - she's realised that winning new clients and looking after the ones she's already got is her work.  The other stuff; admin and all that is secondary to clients.

She learnt her lesson and I'm goin' to do the same.

Next time a squirrel lands on me head, I'm going to grab it's sickeningly fluffy tail and not let go.

Inappropriate behaviour?

I don’t suffer from this meself.

So I can’t understand why me human keeps tugging on her lead when I’m trying to pull her around her walk.
It usually happens when I meet a fellow woofer. Personally I can think of nothing better than a friendly sniff of the bottom to say hello.

But apparently this isn’t the right thing to do. In the human world, maybe, but in the canine world it’s just our way of shaking hands, saying hello and generally getting to know a new friend or get reacquainted with a bottom I’ve sniffed before.

All perfectly civilised, so I can’t see the problem when I sniff the occasional crotch of a two legged companion. I just want to identify who it is and whether they are permitted to give me scratch behind the ears.

As I was sayin’, I’m not allowed to do this anymore, particularly with humans, but the general rule has been extended to my furry friends... there’s no more wandering up the path with me nose glued to another dog’s whotsit.

Richard, me other human, thinks it’s funny but Renee disagreed (and so Richard quite quickly disagreed, too. That fella should stand up for himself more). She put it into client terms.

What’s right for one client isn’t right for another (she said). You have to get to know your clients so you can deliver the service they are looking for. For some of her clients the right thing to do is get in touch with them regularly, make sure things are running smoothly and provide help and assistance when needed.

For other clients, this would be a right royal pain in the backside. They just want to know the help and support is there if they need it.

So (she patiently explained to Richard) one size really doesn’t fit all and what’s appropriate for one ain’t appropriate for another. That’s why she takes so much time getting to know what clients want.

Much like me sniffing a crotch.

It’s alright for me to sniff the nether regions of another hound, but it doesn’t wash in the human world.

In future, then, don’t think I’m being rude if I don’t have a crafty little whiff... I’m just displaying appropriate behaviour. That’s all.

By the way, before I go, I just thought I’d let you know that I’m launching a new feature... Ask Barney.

If you have any burnin’ questions about life, the universe, marketing, finance, sales, service or anything else, just send them to me and I’ll give you the dog’s eye view.

I can’t promise me answers will be useful for a human but I do promise you’ll get a chuckle.

Balls to your balls

Before I start, I found a bit of home video of meself on the internet.  I thought I'd share it with you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxDRUNtud4I&feature=related

I have a bit of a split personality.

It's not my fault, it's all to do with me parents.  You see, I'm a labradoodle.  Normally I'm all square with that but just recently I've been confused.

You see, me human has just bought me a ball flinger... personally I'd have preferred a Porsche, but we makes do with what we're given.

This ball flinger is brilliant.  As soon as me human flings that ball, the Labrador in me takes over before I can do anything about it and me legs have taken me off in pursuit of the missile.  It takes me a while to get them back in control... usually the Poodle takes over just as I arrive at said ball and says to meself:

'She flung the ball, she must want it, she can come and get it!'  And I drops it and wander off.

The issue, though, is that I sometimes forget where the ball is and me human's nose is useless... and she refuses to get on her hands and knees in the long grass to help.

As a result, I'm not really accumulating a stock of balls.  I tend to lose one and find one, so I'm always even, which ain't much good when you're trying to get more.

Funnily enough Renee says that's a bit like customers.  It's no use using up a whole lot of time, effort and cash attracting new customers if you lose sight of ones you've already got in the long grass.  But how do you keep the ones you've got when there's just you.

Well, don't be a Labradoodle with a split personality for a start...

Assuming that you're not (a doodle, that is) you need to keep looking for new customers but keep in contact with the old ones and the only way to make sure you don't drop the ball is to have PROCESSES for looking after them once you've got them.

It's like an actor and actress who look as though they are really natrural and sparking off each other... it takes a lot of rehearsal to look that spontaneous and your service processes have to be the same.

It may take some time to get them right, but as an investment, it's well worth it.

I thought I was cool...

I have this image of meself in mind...

I'm roguish and rakish, much like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, savvy?  Cool, a hit with the ladies and able to do my job (attracting clients into me human's shop) superbly well.

Now I'm not so sure... rather than being Cap'n Jack Sparrow I wonder if I'm actually a bit of Jason King.

If you don't know who Jason King was, 'ave a look at this and you'll see why I'm so worried.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc8q16fttSQ

So what's caused this crisis of confidence I'm suffering from.  Well, I always thought paws planted on middriff and a well aimed lick of the face was a sure fire winner.  Dead cute and 100% certain to get either a) a stroke, b) some food or c) (least important) a new client.

Apparently not.

I recently did my cutish jump up, but it turns out I'm a bit bigger than I remember.  Paws got planted on boobs and comedy paw marks were left on either side of a pristine white T-shirt.  Me human wasn't best pleased.

Okay, not to worry, I can stop that easily enough... but I really put me paw in it on Saturday... literally.

How was I supposed to know that purple paint (and gloss to boot) isn't really good on carpets.  I couldn't help it.  When I saw the lady from over the landing painting her front door, I had to go for it.  Unfortunately I skidded and totally failed to come to a halt.  My front paws ended int he paint pot.

The scream from me human scared me half to death and I made the mistake of running into the house!

Just like you people in business world, I think I need to adjust me approach.  After all, what worked yesterday isn't necessarily goin' to work today.

My human is pretty good at keeping an eye on trends of what's working and isn't, particularly when thinking about marketing.  In fact she spends a day every quarter with some bloke

It Ain't Easy...

...being a dog.

No sooner have I sat down than some one (usually my human) has chucked something across the room...

I try to ignore it but there's something in me that just won't let me.  I have to go and fetch it, bring it back and drop it a my human's feet, only to have the thing thrown across the room again!

Why she can't just let me lie in peace I just don't know.

Being in business is the same - especially if you're running your own business.

My other human is experiencing this a bit right now.  Business is going well and there are a core group of customers who all pay regularly.  The bills are covered and he can even pay himself a little bit, too.  In short, if he was a dog (and he could do worse) he would be content... happy, even, with his lot.

He should kick back a bit, deal witht he work he's got and relax.

Does he listen to me?

No!

He gets an email from a potential customer, he's after like a dog with a bone (excuse the pun).  It's not that he's chasing business, it just comes and, because he runs his own business he feels as though he has to take it.

'After all,' says he, 'you never know when there will be difficult times.'

In a way he's right and my shaggy, dog heart goes out to everyone whocan't do what I do... take mesdlf off into the bedroom and collapse at the foot of the bed.

The secret is, of course, to get enough work so you can pass it out to other people and you can 'manage' rather than 'do'.  The alternative is to be happy with what you've got or bust your buns!

The other thing you need to do is get yourself some help... you know; proper business advice and support.  They can't do the wortk for you but at least you get a trusted adviser who will help you see the wood for the trees... and that can make all the difference.