Everything you wanted to know about pensions but were too bored to ask

No, don't look at me like that.

I can see your eyes drooping and can almost feel the pressure of your finger on the mouse as you decide to click away from me...

Don't go.

It's really very interesting.

Pensions...

Okay, perhaps not the most auspicious of starts to a blog but me and my team had a meeting this morning about our new pension scheme.

You see, it's time to start thinking about pensions again and Auto Enrolment is coming.

No, I didn't know what it was either but there's new legislation coming which says that by 2017 every employer is going to have to provide a workplace pension and contribute a minimum of 3% of salary.

Hmmm...

Me human, Renee employs 8 people (Although it's my team really.  After all I boss them about and get them to give me biscuits) and thought she'd get ahead of the game by creating her workplace pension scheme now, rather than waiting for when small businesses have to join in by law.

So, we had a meeting this morning and I've given my permission to start our scheme off with 2% of salary contributions which means employees don't have to contribute anything if they don't want to (although it would be sensible if they did).  We can increase our employers contributions over time.

My team will get the benefit of a pension starting early enough to make a difference and the business gets used to making these contributions, which we're going to make pretty soon in any case.

Now, here's the bit where I get outraged (again).  Like I said, this is my team, I run it and I'm part of it but I can't have a pension because... wait for it, you're going to be as outraged as me...

I'M A DOG.

I think that's a blatantly furrist attitude.  Just because I've got a tail and get around in the most sensible way (i.e. on four legs rather than the ridiculous two you humans use) apparently I can't get a pension.  And I was prepared to put in 4% of me own salary to build me pension pot.

My 4% would have been in the form of doggy biscuits and dental sticks right enough but no discrimination against woofers is what I say.

Anyway, when I put me fur back on and calmed down I had a little reflection to meself.  The lady who's putting this scheme together for us gave us some interesting stats:

• Anyone aged 21 today will retire when they're 75
• Anyone born today will retire when they're 80

But the stat me human Richard like best was that '70 is the new 50'.  It made him very happy given that he was 45 at the weekend.

Sorry, Dickie boy, I know you didn't want me to mention it but then you failed to give me extra chicken last night!

Anyway, if you're interested in sorting out a workplace pension so you're ahead of the game too, give Renee a shout.

reneemackay@taxassist.co.uk or have a look at www.taxassist.co.uk/corstorphine

Could be useful.

P.S.  I realise this blog was a bit more serious than usual... normal service will be resumed next week.  B

Crowded

Growing a business is fun...

Seems like a lot of hard work to me.  I'd rather chase a wet stick around a muddy park all day but there you go, there's no accounting for taste in you humans.

So let me correct meself.  According to me human Renee, growing a business is fun.  And I have to admit, she's very good at it.  In three short years she's built her business from zero to... well I don't know how many off paw, but it's a lot of clients.

That's pretty good going and she still manages to take me for me walks of a morning, lunch time and evening, which I very much appreciate.

The thing is though, growing a business is fun, but it ain't without the occasional challenge.

Take our office for instance.  A very nice office it is, light, airy and pretty efficient, too.  The fact that the two front windows act like an oven when the sun shines on them and heat the place up like a microwave is neither here nor there.  Doesn't effect me much, but then I usually have a nap in the pm... which is a much under-rated pass time by you humans.

Anyway, our office.  There are six desks.  Great.  There are also six people working here, too.  Brilliant!  Ah, but there's Renee and me other human Richard, as well.  It gets mighty crowded when they're all in the office together.  I mean I hardly have room to stretch out and a friendly swish of me tail can cause havoc.

So, what's to be done?

Well, Renee could stop recruiting new clients.  Hmmm... the words snowball and hell spring to mind.  We get two people sat sitting at each desk.  Nope, not really an option, either, they'd be friendly but it would be none too efficient.

Or we could find a second place!  Do you know I really think I've hit on a master plan.  Sometimes me genius astounds even meself.

Now, Renee will tell you she's been looking for a new place for a while and that may be the case.  But now I'm on the case.  If any of you lovely people out there in Small Business World know of a retail property for rent or sale in Stockbridge, Edinburgh (about 700 - 100 square feet) jump on Facebook Tax Assist West Edinburgh (http://www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh?ref=hl) and let Renee know...

But be sure to tell her it's because of me.  I'm sure to get an extra slice of chicken for me tea.