Having told you, me adoring fans, about the new TaxAssist shop in Stockbridge many of you... well some of you... okay, okay one of you were kind enough to tell me how funny you found last week's blog.
I know the rest of you were thinking it but just never got round to telling me. You really need to make more of an effort to tell me how great I am.
Was that a bit over the top? A bit self indulgent maybe? No? Okay, well if you say so, that's fine.
Anyway, I thought I'd give a sit rep about the progress we've made since last week.
Errrr...
Wellllll...
The terms of the lease have been agreed, the designer is standing by and so is the builder. All we need to do is finalise all that legal stuff and Robert's your uncle and aunt Phanella is coming for tea and cakes.
The place is in pretty good nick so a bit of banging and a lick of paint there and we should be good to go. The planned date is to be for the first week of July.
Wonderful!
Now, there's a few things we need to do between now and then. One of them is to remind all my fans (for fans read 'clients who come to see me in Corstorphine) that we're going nowhere. Our new place in Stockbridge ain't 'instead of' it's 'as well as'.
Without wishing to sound like a bad speech on BAFTA day, 'you're all special to us in your own unique way... even those of you who bring in your bookkeeping smelling of fish.'
You know who you are!
And the good thing is me human renee has assembled a really crack team in Corstorphine. Honestly, if I didn't know they were accountants I'd think they were SAS or smoehting.
Anyway, the point I'm making is this: if you want to see me to give me fur the ocassional ruffle I'm still going to be about. If, in the less likely circumstance you want to speak to me human Renee... well that will still be fine, too.
I'll write you another update next week.
Cheers me ol' muckers.
Barney.
Wednesday 29 May 2013
When Barney met Ted
Let's get one thing straight right from the very start... I don't like Ted.
It's not like it's sour grapes or nuffing... I mean it's not like he's better looking than me; he ain't. It's not like he's cuter than me... that would just be impossible! And it ain't like he can run faster than me.
Well, he might be able to run faster than me, but pound for pound I'm faster than him.
(I have a lot of fur to cart around with me.)
Anyway, being all gracious, I suppose from some angles Ted ain't a bad looking woofer and his curly fur might be attractive to some people who haven't seen a dog with dreadlocks... There might just be a tiny element of cuteness about 'im.
The point I'm making is that we're trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear.
I mean, he's no Barney, but he's alright.
So why is it, then, that we spend so much time trying to get people to do things they should just be doin'?
Let me explain in a bit more detail. We all use other people because they're better at what they do than we are. All we can do is tell them what we want and rely on them to tell us how to do it. No, that's wrong... they should tell us how they're going to do it for us.
Take our new shop... (we're not there yet with the lease, thanks for asking and it's proving more difficult than we thought - the windows are rotten!).
Anyway... take our new shop. We (when I say 'we' I, of course mean me daft humans) use VoIP 'phones and when Richard (the dafter of the two) rang up the provider and asked them what he needed to do to get new 'phones they said to him (almost word for word):
Them: Depends what you want really...
Rich: Errr... well, new 'phones... you know. Answered on the same number - 0131 202 9888 - as the Corstorphine office and able to be transferred between the shops...
Them: Well, you probably need to go for fibre and then all you need to do is get an ATA box, install a business grade router, set up your hunt groups and auto messaging service and sort out your ring circuit. The all you need to do is plug in your 'phone!
All you need to do? All you need to do?
Who are they kidding? Just tell me if it's possible and then sort it for me! There's no need for all the splaff about boxes and rings and things I need to do.
Personally, I don't see why you humans need 'phones. Just smell someone's wee and you'll find out everything you need to know.
It's not like it's sour grapes or nuffing... I mean it's not like he's better looking than me; he ain't. It's not like he's cuter than me... that would just be impossible! And it ain't like he can run faster than me.
Well, he might be able to run faster than me, but pound for pound I'm faster than him.
(I have a lot of fur to cart around with me.)
Anyway, being all gracious, I suppose from some angles Ted ain't a bad looking woofer and his curly fur might be attractive to some people who haven't seen a dog with dreadlocks... There might just be a tiny element of cuteness about 'im.
The point I'm making is that we're trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear.
I mean, he's no Barney, but he's alright.
So why is it, then, that we spend so much time trying to get people to do things they should just be doin'?
Let me explain in a bit more detail. We all use other people because they're better at what they do than we are. All we can do is tell them what we want and rely on them to tell us how to do it. No, that's wrong... they should tell us how they're going to do it for us.
Take our new shop... (we're not there yet with the lease, thanks for asking and it's proving more difficult than we thought - the windows are rotten!).
Anyway... take our new shop. We (when I say 'we' I, of course mean me daft humans) use VoIP 'phones and when Richard (the dafter of the two) rang up the provider and asked them what he needed to do to get new 'phones they said to him (almost word for word):
Them: Depends what you want really...
Rich: Errr... well, new 'phones... you know. Answered on the same number - 0131 202 9888 - as the Corstorphine office and able to be transferred between the shops...
Them: Well, you probably need to go for fibre and then all you need to do is get an ATA box, install a business grade router, set up your hunt groups and auto messaging service and sort out your ring circuit. The all you need to do is plug in your 'phone!
All you need to do? All you need to do?
Who are they kidding? Just tell me if it's possible and then sort it for me! There's no need for all the splaff about boxes and rings and things I need to do.
Personally, I don't see why you humans need 'phones. Just smell someone's wee and you'll find out everything you need to know.
Friday 3 May 2013
I'm not meself
I've not been feeling meself over the past few days... in fact, you could say I've been feeling a little Ruff!
Oh, what a wag I am!
Oh, there's another one. I just can't stop meself. It's joke after joke... I've got thousands of 'em and everyone a gem.
But in all seriousness I'm barking up the wrong tree... sorry.
In all seriousness I do have a dilemma I need to sort out. Somehow I have to make meself into 2 woofers. You see, me humans have only gone and found themselves a second shop location for the TaxAssist business.
Okay, the lease ain't quite signed yet, but it's all agreed and it looks like things are goin' ahead.
'So, what's the dilemma, Barney Boy?' I hear you cry... well maybe you weren't but in me head you were, okay?
Well, let me tell you a little story about when I was walking me human, Richard, to work the other day. We were walking passed (not in, I'm disappointed to say) Union Park in Saughton. There were two school children coming the other way with their mums'. Out of the blue both children pipes up at the same time:
'Hello, Barney... have a good day in the office!'
Richard was flabbergasted. Not a word to 'im but what did he expect. I'm the face of TaxAssist in Corstorphine and a right celeb, too.
Now, finally, to the dilemma...
How am I goin' to cut meself in two to cover the new TaxAssist shop in Stockbridge?
I mean, if it's going to be successful it has have me as the poster boy. Renee is talking about a sort of time share and Richard mentioned getting another woofer, a kind mini me.
Well, no way, no how, not ever... In that order.
So, I have a question for you. How do I, Barney, the Face of TaxAssist Accountants split me time between shops in Corstorphine and Stockbridge?
Answers to the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh?ref=hl
or as comments to this blog.
Cheers mateys.
See you next time.
Oh, what a wag I am!
Oh, there's another one. I just can't stop meself. It's joke after joke... I've got thousands of 'em and everyone a gem.
But in all seriousness I'm barking up the wrong tree... sorry.
In all seriousness I do have a dilemma I need to sort out. Somehow I have to make meself into 2 woofers. You see, me humans have only gone and found themselves a second shop location for the TaxAssist business.
Okay, the lease ain't quite signed yet, but it's all agreed and it looks like things are goin' ahead.
'So, what's the dilemma, Barney Boy?' I hear you cry... well maybe you weren't but in me head you were, okay?
Well, let me tell you a little story about when I was walking me human, Richard, to work the other day. We were walking passed (not in, I'm disappointed to say) Union Park in Saughton. There were two school children coming the other way with their mums'. Out of the blue both children pipes up at the same time:
'Hello, Barney... have a good day in the office!'
Richard was flabbergasted. Not a word to 'im but what did he expect. I'm the face of TaxAssist in Corstorphine and a right celeb, too.
Now, finally, to the dilemma...
How am I goin' to cut meself in two to cover the new TaxAssist shop in Stockbridge?
I mean, if it's going to be successful it has have me as the poster boy. Renee is talking about a sort of time share and Richard mentioned getting another woofer, a kind mini me.
Well, no way, no how, not ever... In that order.
So, I have a question for you. How do I, Barney, the Face of TaxAssist Accountants split me time between shops in Corstorphine and Stockbridge?
Answers to the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh?ref=hl
or as comments to this blog.
Cheers mateys.
See you next time.
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