Fur Coat Nae Knickers

Last week I may have inadvertently mentioned that I don't wear under-garments.

My actual words were 'Fur Coat, Nae Knickers'...

Apparently this wasn't the most appropriate thing to say and it caused a storm of protest... an email flooded in to my inbox (barney@taxassist.co.uk).

I don't necessarily think it was the phrase itself that caused the issue but my apparent lack of modesty.  Well, I just won't have that... I'm the most modest woofer you will ever come across.  My modesty knows no bounds.  In fact, it's the best modesty you'll ever see.  It's stupendous in nature and will put your modesty in the shade...

I'm just messing with you; I know what modesty is... I'm just not very good at it.

Anyway, putting my own magnificence to one side, just for a few moments I was thinking about my team in the office yesterday.  There are now 8 of them if you include me humans Renee and Richard. Of course, they're all very good at what they do, but I've just noticed that they're a very good looking team, too.

I don't mean Richard so much, but the rest of them are pleasing on the eye.  As pleasing as a anyone can be when they're not covered in fur like mine.

They're a pretty mixed bunch, too.  We have people from Edinburgh, Poland, Dunbar, the Borders and even one from Doon Sooth (that would be Richard again).  They work in teams of two: there's an accountant and bookkeeper in each team and they look after everything for their group of customers from bookkeeping to VAT to accounts to payroll and everything between.

But leaving aside what they do, their experience and how good looking they are they all have one thing in common... they're all very nice to me, giving me the occasional scratch.

Actually, they have two things in common... not only are they very nice to me, but they're all very nice to our customers, too.  Not that they'll give you a little scratch behind the ears (unless you ask them, that is) but their first thought is always about customers and what they need... then they'll think about accounts and bookkeeping and all that stuff.

Must be me human Renee's influence I suppose.  She always says that we'll never have a 'Receptionist' because it's everyone's job to make people feel welcome!

A Dog's Clothes Say a Lot About Him

I have to say I had a narrow escape last Christmas.

Me human Renee decided that perhaps a luxurious rasta fur coat like mine wasn't enough and that maybe I needed some, well, human clothes to go with it.

So, she proceeded to buy me a kilt and Bonny Prince Charlie jacket.  What was she thinking?  I mean, talk about ridiculously embarrassing for a cool woofer like me.

OMG me other human Richard was drinking a cup of coffee when she told him what she'd done.  It's the first time I've ever seen coffee come out of someone's nose.  I think it must have burned on the way out, too, 'cos he didn't half jump about for a few minutes.

Anyway I had to wait, with some nervousness it has to be said, for the day when me new clothes arrived.  Renee planned for weeks what she was going to do.  Dress me up at Christmas, take photos and generally make me look like... well, I'll leave it your imagination what I'd look like.

The fateful day arrived and, glory of glories, hallelujah and praise the great big bone in the sky, the outfit didn't fit.

I think both Renee and Richard were disappointed but probably for different reasons...

But at least all this brings me on to the outrageous point I've been trying to get to.

Children's clothes don't have VAT on them.  Why?  Don't ask me 'cos I don't know.  I'm just a dog.  Something to do with them being dependent or somefink like that.

This got Renee thinking.  Should a woofer's clothes also be free of VAT?  Well, outrageously, it turns out they're not.  But why?  After all, I'm a dependent, I'm only 4 (although some would say that's 28 in dog years) and I bring loads to the Scottish economy...

It's discrimination if you ask me...

(Actually, I think that it might be simply that a dog has enough clothes (fur coat, nae knickers) of his own without needing a Bonny Prince Charlie to make him look like a muppet.)

Having said that, me new high viz vest is very fetching.  Have a look at Facebook and search Tax Assist West Edinburgh for a rather splendid picture of me in me new outfit...

Playmates

I am a happy woofer.

Generally that's true but this week even more so.

You see I have some playmates staying with me.  Me human Richard has his 16 year old daughter and her friend staying.  Clearly the are here for one reason and one reason only... to look after yours truly.

Not that I need looking after, but I play this game where I pretend I do and people bring me biscuits, treats, toys and food.  It's brilliant - you should try it!

Anyway, I've got these playmates which is great.  But OMG, I can't believe it; they wanted to go into Edinburgh and visit places that I couldn't go.  I had to spend the day in the office at work... you know; looking cute and making customers feel welcome.

So, I did the only thing a sensible woofer could do under the very trying circumstances: I went on hunger strike.

Me usual plate of chicken and pasta was placed in front of me.  I took a sniff, looked up with big, soulful eyes, let me tail droop and walked away... very, very slowly.

A Dental Stick (me favourite) was offered.  I took it, then dropped it and left it on the floor untouched.

That is until me playmates turned back up at the shop after their day without me.  Then I went all joyful, ate me breakfast and wolfed down me Dental Stick.

I know what you're thinking but I don't see it as fickle... More like asserting me doggy rights to be played with and entertained constantly.

I quite often hear me other human Renee saying that if you are in business on your own it can be a pretty lonely place, especially if there are decisions that need to be made and you need some one to talk them over with.

She always says that she gets to know someone's business... not their accounts or finances, but their whole business so she can help them if they need to talk things through.

It's the very same cross I have to carry.  I mean, when you only get played with for 12 hours in a day, what do you do with the other 12?

Of course you ave to sleep for 11 of those... but the other hour is tricky and I always feel better when I can talk things through.  Do I lie down here or there?  Do I sit next to Ross in the office or Nicola?  Do I look happy or soulful?

You what I mean... it's always best to have a playmate to talk these things through with.

Damn and Blast...

...and proably in that order.

Our nice new and soon to be shiny shop in Stockbridge has fallen through.

Yes, you heard me... fallen through.

That's a funny phrase, isn't it?  Fallen through what, I wonder?  There must be an interesting fact sitting behind that phrase like so many of our cliches.

For example, do you know where the phrase 'Back to Square One' comes from?  No?  Well, because I'm as funny, intelligent and generous as a woofer can be I'll tell you.

It comes from when football matches were first being described on the radio and the commentators didn't know how to do it.  A picture of a football pitch divided up into squares was printed in the Radio Times - and the penalty box was square 1.

So when the commentator said (here you need to put on a clipped English advert) 'And the ball has been passed back to square 1' it meant that the play was starting again... good init?

Anyway, I've digressed, as is my wont, so back to the DAMN and BLAST.

Yes, our shop in Stockbridge is no more... it has ceased to be.  It is an ex-shop.

We were taking over an existing lease from a lady and apparently, even after making an agreement with us she continued to market the lease, even behind her own agent's back.  Evidently she found someone she had to pay less of an incentive to and blew us out.

And to add insult to injury we were blown out on the same day we received planning permission for class 2 use (whatever that means)!

Anyway, you can imagine it was a frosty old day in the office that day.  There were a few less woofer biscuits coming my way, I can tell you.

It's back to the drawing board for me humans, assessing options, looking for new properties and all that.

So, me adoring fans, I have a request for you.  If you spot any commercial premises (retail is best) for lease, sale or just empty preferably in Stockbridge but also in Blackhall and Gorgie can you let me humans know?

It might just cheer them up...

You can get in touch via the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/AccountantsEdinburgh

Or search Facebook for Tax Assist West Edinburgh.

Fanks awfully!