Holiday - day 3

Oh dear... Oh dear - oh dear dear dear... Me bum. It wasn't agony as such; just very, very sore. Last night I eventually got some sleep after me human Richard wrapped himself in a sheet and lay on the bathroom floor with me. The lino was the only surface cool enough to give me relief. So, the third day of me walking hols dawned with a decision to me made. Richard was all for walking for a third straight day, especially after the first two days were so successful. I wasn't so sure myself and contrived to look all forlorn at every opportunity. 'Just look at him,' says Renee, me other human, 'we can't make him walk all day while he's like that.' Hear, hear, thinks I, and as Renee wears the trousers and what I say, goes, we packed ourselves off to find a vet in Kelso about 20 miles away. It was pouring with rain anyway, so I couldn't really see the problem myself. Anyway, the bus driver was very nice and, even better, the floor of the bus was very cool... A blessed relief for me backside. So, in the vets I thinks to myself, 'hello Barney old lad, here's another one of those fellas who's going to have a poke around your nether regions.' And I have to admit that I got a bit agitated. Well, wouldn't you if a strange bloke was lifting your tail and rummaging around your gentleman's area? 'Razor burn,' said the young vet, who turned out to be not too bad. And promptly gave us cream and pills. So, on With the cream and down with the pill (I think we got it the right way round) and back on the jolly old bus to Melrose. We picked up the other car and all moved to Wooler, our next overnight stop. By the time we arrived at The Black Bull it was late afternoon and time for a drink in the bar. The locals were very friendly... they obviously knew each other well but included me humans in their conversations. They we're all friendly except for one bitch... er... that's a female dog. She growled at me something fierce and all because I thought I'd rub myself around her human. Jealousy is not nice in a bitch. She had the last laugh, though. 'Hup,' says her owner and blow me if she didn't jump up on a bar stool and sit at the bar, for all the world like she was about to order a Babycham. Very funny it was, too. It made me humans laugh, at least, but they're easily pleased. Drop me a line if you have any holiday stories or visit me human's website at www.taxassist.co.uk/reneemackay if you want to find out more. Next week, I'm back walking again - Wooler to Beal.

Holidays - day two

Well, it was rise and shine bright and early on day 2 of me holidays. Day 1 sees me and me humans walk the first part of St Cuthbert's way from Melrose to Mounthooly... A breezy 17 miles with only one broken ankle to report on the way. Day 2 dawned a lovely day and we was off before 9... partly because we had another 17 miles to do but mostly because we were scared of the fearsome landlady of the 'rustic' B and B we were staying in. It was lovely walking weather as we progressed along the last part of Deere Street - an old Roman Road which has been in continuous use for more than 2,000 years. Me human Richard told Renee and me that and kept us hugely entertained with a string of really quite boring facts covering just about every subject we could possibly not be interested in. Anyway, we were making good time when we encountered a different kind of beast than the woolly bleaters from the stay before. (Talking about bleating, it turned out that Richard's shattered ankle was no such thing and he'd forgotten about it... until, that is, Renee mentioned it, when it started hurting again. Strange that.) Anyway, back to the creatures. These ones were big, solemn, chewed a lot and had a strange bag dangling from their hind quarters. Most inconvenient it looked, too. For some reason these big ol' beasts excited me and I wanted to go an play; but I had to look after me human Renee who was looking very scared, so I kept her on her lead. I have to say lunch in a place called Morebattle (which is nothing to with warfare, but probably to do with the ancient word for 'peat bog' (thanks, Dick (and I use the word advisedly)) was very good, but me bum was beginning to itch and then downright hurt. The only thing to give relief was sitting on it, jumping in a river or running about like a mad thing... None of those things are easy to do all the time so it was a combination of all 3 that kept me going. After lunch it was straight up Wide Open Hill 357 metres (where do you think that fact came from?) A tough climb but a great view and a descent into Town Yelthom (pronounced Yettum... so why don't they spell it that way?). The Plough Inn was good and there was a million dogs in the bar which would have been great if it wasn't for me bum which was really hurting by now. We were early to bed because me humans, bless 'em, needed the rest. But I was up in the middle of the night yelping because me backside was really smarting. The only place I could get it cool enough and stop it flashing like a Bolesha Beacon was the bathroom floor and even then Richard had to wrap himself in a sheet and lie on the floor with me before I could get to sleep. Next week I'll tell you more about me bum and what happened on day 3 of me holibags. Do let me knlow what you think and send in your holiday experiences... I'll try to mention them in a future blog.

I've Been on Holiday

Hello me old muckers...

I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks because I've been on me holibags.

I took me humans on a walking holiday - we walked St Cuthberts Way from Melrose to Lindisfarne.  Sixty five miles in 5 days.  It was great fun although not without incident, so I thought I'd spend the next few weeks writing me diary of the adventure.

Here's part 1 for you:

Actually, the story starts before the holiday...

You see, I'm a somewhat hairy fella and sometimes that causes issues in me nether regions.  I think the technical term is 'clinkers'.  Nuff said?

Anyway, me humans had enough of the clinkers so they took me to the vet.  Gawd, how I hate that bloke.  And he gave me a shave.

The problem was he shaved me a bit close and it was very uncomfortable to have the wind blowing round me whotsits... so I kept sitting on 'em, to keep 'em warm, as it were.  The problem was me humans mis-interpreted this as me backside hurting.  It wasn't that at all... it was embarrassing!

Don't believe me?  You cut a hole  in the bum of your trousers and walk around for a day... then you'll see how embarrassing it actually was.

Anyway, we parked up in Melrose and then it was straight up the Eildon Hills.  Me humans didn't slow me up too much, but I was running around a lot.

It was lovely; sun shining, fresh air, grass to roll in.  The only fly in the ointment was that they did insist on being put on their lead everytime they saw those woolly things in fields... as though they couldn't trust themselves not to chase them.

Persoanlly, they didn't bother me much.

After lunch we turned on to the banks of the Tweed and disaster struck.

Richard was on his lead and I decided to investigate a bee that was flying around a flower.  How was I to know he wasn't concentrating?

Mind you, the yell of pain as he twisted his ankle was truly impressive.  He shouted so loud he actually dribbled.  Pathetic.

Of course, he immediately told everyone that his ankle was sharttered in at least six places but he would walk on without complaining.

Ha!

There was more bleating than from those woolly things in the fields.

Anyway, despite his broken ankle (which miraculously recovered the next day) we tramped on to a place called Harestanes, where we were staying the first night... except we weren't... staying there I mean.

When Richard rang, the landlady told us we were still 3 miles away and we'd already done 14!

I shan't repeat what Renee said to him.  Have you ever seen a Labradoodle with his fur standing on end?  No?  You would have done if you'd been there while I was listening to that exchange.  Shocked I was.

Anyway... we made it.  And very, erm, rustic, the B & B was, too.  Nothing for it - an early night and hope the fur grows on me back end over night!