Snow Go

I don't understand what it is with you humans... it takes ages to get out the door to do anything!

I mean, all that tedious mucking about with:

1. Two layers of tights
2. Jeans
3. Three jumpers
4. Coat
5. Scarf
6. Hat
7. Gloves (which then have to be taken off because you haven't put your shoes on yet)
8. Wellington boots

The list goes on and on... or is that just Renee, my particular human?

Whatever it is, it seems to take helluva time to get out of the door; time which could be better used mucking around in the snow, (don't eat the yellow stuff) and generally having fun.

I must admit it's easier for a dog: stand at door and look longingly at it as though you can already imaging the wide open vistas of winter wonderland stretching out before you and some sucker (sorry, human) begins pulling on the interminable layers of clothing you lot need to keep you warm.

But that clothing (surprise, surprise) is bit like marketing...

It's worth spending a bit of time preparing to market your business... it takes some thinking about.  And the best place to start is by asking yourself some questions; things like:

• Who are my customers and who buys most from me?
• What do they do, read and see?
• What is it that makes me special/different?
• How much money have I got to spend on marketing?
• How will I know my marketing has worked?

And so on...

If you don't spend this time it's a bit like getting ready to go out for a long walk without having a look out of the window first.  You might end up with two layers of tights, jeans, three jumpers, etc., etc., and it turns out to be 90 degrees outside.  Worse still, you might end up in a blizzard with nothing more than a bikini to hide your embarrassment!

But there's a danger, too.  Sometimes the 'thinking' gets in the way of 'doing'.  It's very easy to over analyse and think in great depth about what you could be doing without actually doing anything at all.  Marketing a business, particularly at the local level, is all about doing.

So, yes, do some thinking, make sure you know who you are marketing to do, how much you have available to spend on it and what success looks like.  But don't let your thinking get in the way of a good walk!

After all, you can always come back in and change again.

Christmas is a very important time for us dogs... at least as important as it is for you humans.  Thank you very much for reading these blogs.  They're a bit of fun and I really hope they make you smile every once in a while.

I promise to write even more about my insights into business in 2011... so, until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Buses

I had a new experience at the weekend... something called a bus.

What a brilliant concept.

Lots of people all wanting to go to the same place, at the same time... so, stick 'em in a box, make 'em sit next to someone they don't want to sit next to and listen to music from someone else's earphones.

I loved it.

People got on and, because we were standing in the aisle everyone had to walk passed me.  I was stroked, tugged, smiled at, scratched and all manner of other pleasant things.

In fact, I was so happy I lost control of my tongue.  Fortunately, no-one noticed me licking the old guy's trousers... he was standing next to me, looking out of the window.  He did, however, look slightly perplexed and a little embarrassed at the warm wet patch that had developed at the top of one of his legs.

When I'd finished licking, I thought I'd have a look out the window and I got a bit confused.

There were lots of people on the bus going the same way I was I was going, but there were an awful lot more who weren't.

Why not?

What was up with them?  Didn't they want to come with me?  Or did they just not know where I was going?  Or, most disastrous of all, was I going to the wrong place?

Renee talks about this a lot... not buses.  Business Development.

She says building a business is about three things:

1. Letting people know that there's a bus to get them to the right place (Marketing)
2. Persuading them to get on board so we can help them get there (Sales)
3. Making sure they stay on board until it's time for them to get off (Service)

Brilliant!

I couldn't have put it better meself.

So, there you have it.  Business Development is like owning a bus.  But, the thing is, somehow, we forget these simple principles and we lose sight of the route.  That means either we, or our customers, end up at trhe wrong place!

Why is that?

Renee thinks that it's because we get busy and we have to concentrate on 'doing the job' rather than developing the business.

Of course, it could just be that you haven't got a cute dog to get people on your bus...

Look before you leap...

Why is it, even though my job in life is to make people smile, I sometimes make them cry?

When I say 'them' of course I mean 'her'.  My human.  Renee.

All I have to do to make people smile is walk along the street.  I see them, all the time.  They look at me and their lips twitch... maybe it's because of my perm, maybe it's because of my ridiculous pantomime tail.

Whatever; it's my job to bring a little happiness into the world.

On Saturday I had a moment of madness, though.  I was walking my humans along the Water of Leith and I'd (stupidly, as it happens) let them off their lead because there was a wall between me and the water, as well as the 15 foot drop the other side!  What trouble could I get into?

I ran off, sniffing as I went and then, just as the wall dropped to about 2 and half feet high, I leapt on to it and flung myself off the other side.

It was then I realised I might have miscalculated what I was trying to achieve.  I plunged down the 15 foot drop, heading for the concrete bank with screams of 'Barney' from Renee ringing in my ears.  I hit the branch of a tree and it was that which saved my life... it spun we away from the concrete bank and I hit the water with a slap!

Under I went but I came up with a yelp and started struggling for the bank.  I couldn't make it!  After the rains the water was running fast and deep and I went under again.

When I came up I could still hear Renee's screams but they were much fainter because I'd been swept down the river.  Fortunately the current took me into the bank and I scrambled out... but now I was lost.

I could hear my humans but I couldn't see them.

Then I heard a shout from above.  It was Richard.  He'd run down the path and was looking down at me from the wall, 15 feet above.  He ran further down the path, climbed under the fence and dropped on to the bank.  I needed no second asking and he picked me up, shoved me through the fence and I was safe.

It was mildly embarassing, the hugs and the tears I had to suffer, but I did take a moment to wonder why I leapt before I looked.

Maybe I should have planned a bit more.  Maybe I should have asked for help, maybe I could have considered the pros and cons of what I was doing and, just maybe, I would have spared Renee a lot of fear.

Maybe.

I still had another look over the wall as I went past.  I couldn't do anything about it, though... I was on my lead.

Like a scout - always prepared

It was a great surprise to me and the squirrel when he fell out of the tree...

I was working (or more accurately swimming) along a stream somewhere in Midlothian when I hauled meself out for a good shake.

It was as I was standing on the bank that I heard a crack and a squirrel, still clinging to the broken branch, landed next to me.

I was so surprised that I didn't even jump... he looked at me and I looked at him until he shook himself and staggered, slightly dazed towards a tree trunk.  Suddenly I realised the opportunity that was being presented to me... here was my chance to actually catch something that I was chasing... something that has never happened before!

With a bark I took off after the little varmint, but it was too late, he'd recovered and shot up the tree and I was left barking and tryin' to save a little face with me humans.

I heard Renee talking about it later (and it hurt when everyone had a good laugh).

She said the same thing had happened to her once.  Well, not a squirrel falling out of a tree.  In a previous business she was working away when a potential client came knocking at the door.  It could have been a biggy but she was so surprised she didn't perform at her best and the client legged it up a tree.

That was a long time ago and she's always ready for new clients - she's realised that winning new clients and looking after the ones she's already got is her work.  The other stuff; admin and all that is secondary to clients.

She learnt her lesson and I'm goin' to do the same.

Next time a squirrel lands on me head, I'm going to grab it's sickeningly fluffy tail and not let go.

Inappropriate behaviour?

I don’t suffer from this meself.

So I can’t understand why me human keeps tugging on her lead when I’m trying to pull her around her walk.
It usually happens when I meet a fellow woofer. Personally I can think of nothing better than a friendly sniff of the bottom to say hello.

But apparently this isn’t the right thing to do. In the human world, maybe, but in the canine world it’s just our way of shaking hands, saying hello and generally getting to know a new friend or get reacquainted with a bottom I’ve sniffed before.

All perfectly civilised, so I can’t see the problem when I sniff the occasional crotch of a two legged companion. I just want to identify who it is and whether they are permitted to give me scratch behind the ears.

As I was sayin’, I’m not allowed to do this anymore, particularly with humans, but the general rule has been extended to my furry friends... there’s no more wandering up the path with me nose glued to another dog’s whotsit.

Richard, me other human, thinks it’s funny but Renee disagreed (and so Richard quite quickly disagreed, too. That fella should stand up for himself more). She put it into client terms.

What’s right for one client isn’t right for another (she said). You have to get to know your clients so you can deliver the service they are looking for. For some of her clients the right thing to do is get in touch with them regularly, make sure things are running smoothly and provide help and assistance when needed.

For other clients, this would be a right royal pain in the backside. They just want to know the help and support is there if they need it.

So (she patiently explained to Richard) one size really doesn’t fit all and what’s appropriate for one ain’t appropriate for another. That’s why she takes so much time getting to know what clients want.

Much like me sniffing a crotch.

It’s alright for me to sniff the nether regions of another hound, but it doesn’t wash in the human world.

In future, then, don’t think I’m being rude if I don’t have a crafty little whiff... I’m just displaying appropriate behaviour. That’s all.

By the way, before I go, I just thought I’d let you know that I’m launching a new feature... Ask Barney.

If you have any burnin’ questions about life, the universe, marketing, finance, sales, service or anything else, just send them to me and I’ll give you the dog’s eye view.

I can’t promise me answers will be useful for a human but I do promise you’ll get a chuckle.

Balls to your balls

Before I start, I found a bit of home video of meself on the internet.  I thought I'd share it with you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxDRUNtud4I&feature=related

I have a bit of a split personality.

It's not my fault, it's all to do with me parents.  You see, I'm a labradoodle.  Normally I'm all square with that but just recently I've been confused.

You see, me human has just bought me a ball flinger... personally I'd have preferred a Porsche, but we makes do with what we're given.

This ball flinger is brilliant.  As soon as me human flings that ball, the Labrador in me takes over before I can do anything about it and me legs have taken me off in pursuit of the missile.  It takes me a while to get them back in control... usually the Poodle takes over just as I arrive at said ball and says to meself:

'She flung the ball, she must want it, she can come and get it!'  And I drops it and wander off.

The issue, though, is that I sometimes forget where the ball is and me human's nose is useless... and she refuses to get on her hands and knees in the long grass to help.

As a result, I'm not really accumulating a stock of balls.  I tend to lose one and find one, so I'm always even, which ain't much good when you're trying to get more.

Funnily enough Renee says that's a bit like customers.  It's no use using up a whole lot of time, effort and cash attracting new customers if you lose sight of ones you've already got in the long grass.  But how do you keep the ones you've got when there's just you.

Well, don't be a Labradoodle with a split personality for a start...

Assuming that you're not (a doodle, that is) you need to keep looking for new customers but keep in contact with the old ones and the only way to make sure you don't drop the ball is to have PROCESSES for looking after them once you've got them.

It's like an actor and actress who look as though they are really natrural and sparking off each other... it takes a lot of rehearsal to look that spontaneous and your service processes have to be the same.

It may take some time to get them right, but as an investment, it's well worth it.

I thought I was cool...

I have this image of meself in mind...

I'm roguish and rakish, much like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, savvy?  Cool, a hit with the ladies and able to do my job (attracting clients into me human's shop) superbly well.

Now I'm not so sure... rather than being Cap'n Jack Sparrow I wonder if I'm actually a bit of Jason King.

If you don't know who Jason King was, 'ave a look at this and you'll see why I'm so worried.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc8q16fttSQ

So what's caused this crisis of confidence I'm suffering from.  Well, I always thought paws planted on middriff and a well aimed lick of the face was a sure fire winner.  Dead cute and 100% certain to get either a) a stroke, b) some food or c) (least important) a new client.

Apparently not.

I recently did my cutish jump up, but it turns out I'm a bit bigger than I remember.  Paws got planted on boobs and comedy paw marks were left on either side of a pristine white T-shirt.  Me human wasn't best pleased.

Okay, not to worry, I can stop that easily enough... but I really put me paw in it on Saturday... literally.

How was I supposed to know that purple paint (and gloss to boot) isn't really good on carpets.  I couldn't help it.  When I saw the lady from over the landing painting her front door, I had to go for it.  Unfortunately I skidded and totally failed to come to a halt.  My front paws ended int he paint pot.

The scream from me human scared me half to death and I made the mistake of running into the house!

Just like you people in business world, I think I need to adjust me approach.  After all, what worked yesterday isn't necessarily goin' to work today.

My human is pretty good at keeping an eye on trends of what's working and isn't, particularly when thinking about marketing.  In fact she spends a day every quarter with some bloke

It Ain't Easy...

...being a dog.

No sooner have I sat down than some one (usually my human) has chucked something across the room...

I try to ignore it but there's something in me that just won't let me.  I have to go and fetch it, bring it back and drop it a my human's feet, only to have the thing thrown across the room again!

Why she can't just let me lie in peace I just don't know.

Being in business is the same - especially if you're running your own business.

My other human is experiencing this a bit right now.  Business is going well and there are a core group of customers who all pay regularly.  The bills are covered and he can even pay himself a little bit, too.  In short, if he was a dog (and he could do worse) he would be content... happy, even, with his lot.

He should kick back a bit, deal witht he work he's got and relax.

Does he listen to me?

No!

He gets an email from a potential customer, he's after like a dog with a bone (excuse the pun).  It's not that he's chasing business, it just comes and, because he runs his own business he feels as though he has to take it.

'After all,' says he, 'you never know when there will be difficult times.'

In a way he's right and my shaggy, dog heart goes out to everyone whocan't do what I do... take mesdlf off into the bedroom and collapse at the foot of the bed.

The secret is, of course, to get enough work so you can pass it out to other people and you can 'manage' rather than 'do'.  The alternative is to be happy with what you've got or bust your buns!

The other thing you need to do is get yourself some help... you know; proper business advice and support.  They can't do the wortk for you but at least you get a trusted adviser who will help you see the wood for the trees... and that can make all the difference.

Obsession

I know it's hard to believe, it's not obsession with me but my obsession with someone else.

You see, I think I may have over done it a bit.

My human is pretty busy at the moment so, as well as Anliang and Richard (me othe human) she has Kerry coming into the office a couple of days a week.  Kerry is at college doin' accounts and this means she's eighteen years old, blonde and very pretty.

Now, I'm blonde and pretty, too, savvy and things seem to be goin' on with me whotsit that I've never experienced before.

The upshot is that when I see Kerry I feel the need to sit and look at her, tongue hanging out of one side of me mouth, for hours on end.

This seems to have had a bit of a negative effect on me human.  For some reason, when Kerry goes home and I need to get attention from elsewhere, she doesn't seem so happy to rub my tum, even when I present it to her to be rubbed.

I got to thinking about this for a bit, 'cos I was trying to see things from her point of view... mostly, if I'm honest, 'cos I need to keep me bread buttered on both sides.

It's a bit like a business getting all lovey dovey with one very big client... every other client gets neglected to a greeter or lesser degree.  This means that when that client goes (and they inevitably will at some point) you're left with a bunch of unhappy clients... or at least neglected clients that are more vulnerable to being nicked by your oppo.

Now, big clients are all well and good and I'm not saying either ignore them or don't given them the service they are looking for.

All I'm saying is don't ignore everyone else, either.

Otherwise you won't get your tummy rubbed.

Savvy?

Travel – A right royal pain in the whotsit

Now I don’t mind a car journey as long as it meets three criteria:



1. It’s short

2. There’s some fun at the end of it

3. The window’s left n a bit so I can stick me nose out



My human does a fair bit of travelling up and down the country and sometimes I have to go with her.



It’s an experience I can tell you... but it’s much like she’s in the office, savvy?



Here’s why: Going down the A1, it’s a hundred miles an hour (not literally, of course. That would be speeding) until, whoa! Roadworks. Then it’s fifty for thirty miles and me human is getting all frustrated at not going fast enough and even more frustrated at the cars streaming by, apparently disregarding the ‘Average Speed Check’ cameras.



‘Why should they get away with it?’ She said about 20 times.



I dunno, thought I. I’m a dog.



In the office it’s much the same... a hundred miles an hour (figuratively) and it’s work, work, work, production, printing, work, scanning, meetings, admin and then some more work.



Personally I prefer to stretch out in the sunshine and look cute... it’s what I’m best at, after all!



Every so often, though, me human has the brakes put on. Not by her, by other people. It’s as though she’s hit roadworks; and boy does it frustrate the living daylights out of her.



If it were me, I’d look at things a bit differently.



You see, my human thinks she’s in competition with all those cars streaming by... but she’s not. She doesn’t know where they’re going, she only knows where she’s going.



In business it’s important to slow down every so often and take stock. It’s both impossible and dangerous to run at a hundred miles an hour all the time. Just think of it like a car journey. You might be forced to stop anyway to fill up with fuel, or worse still, run out altogether. You might get caught by the rozzers and, once again, you’ll have to stop.



All these things can happen to a business where the owner isn’t taking time to make sure they are still going in the right direction and are being as efficient in the business as they can be.



There’s another danger, too.



If you take a wrong turn and you’re going at a hundred miles an hour and you don’t slow down to check the directions, you’re just driving away from where you to be very fast...



So, my doggy advice is, when you hit roadworks or have to stop for fuel, take some time to reflect, to make sure you’re still heading in the right direction and to have a look at the scenery you’re passing through... particularly if there are rabbits to chase!

I confess... I wasn't really sick

I have a confession to make... I pulled a sickie on Monday.

Let me explain.

Last week I had a couple of playmates so I had a week's holiday.  They went home on Sunday and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.  I was at a loose end, I was beat, incomplete, I felt sad and blue...

Like a Virgin.

No, not Like a Virgin, that's a Madonna song.

When I woke up on Monday, I didn't really feel like doing much.  I was lethargic and, when my human decided that she was going to work and she was taking me with her... I acted up a bit.  I slouched about, I pretended to be sick and pretended I could hardly lift my head from the carpet.

Even though she was clearly worried I kept the act up int he hope she'd send me home.

But she went one step further and booked me into the vet's.

Nightmare!

Last time I went to the vet he prodded me, poked me and squeezed my gentleman's area.  I wasn't having that again...

As my human pulled up outside the torture place I livened myself up.  I leapt from the car and dragged my human into the vet, put my front paws on the counter and generally was made a fuss of by the nurse.

However, to no avail, I was still prodded and injected, but then I got an attack of guilt... I saw the bill.

I've heard that sickies cost British business millions of days every year and billions of pounds.

Some businesses, though, allow their staff to have duvet days.

We all get low from time to time and duvet days allow us to take a day's holiday without having to book it in advance.  It comes off holiday entitlement and so won't count as a sick day... even though, in effect, that's what it is.

Ingenious.

I wish I was allowed duvet days and I could have avoided the guilt I feel for chucking a sickie.

It's not easy looking cute every day, you know.

Hello All

Welcome to the second of my Dog Blogs.

First things first, my human, Renee, has had a couple of calls asking her what my voice is like... well, it's kind of a cross between Keith Richards and Cap'n Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean!  Savvy?

Last week I talked about balance in business - it's like carrying a BIG stick.  This week I thought I'd give you the benefit of my considerable wisdom about a different sort of balance - work life balance.

First of all, there's no such thing as 'work life balance'; there's just life and then you choose what you fill it with.  Mostly I choose to fill mine with chasing sticks, sleeping and licking my... well, let's just say 'keeping clean'.

Oh, and I have to work by looking cute, but overall I think my life is pretty good.

Now, take my humans as an example of balance that's wrong... even if it is only for a few months.

I would say that they have got the business balance bit just about right.  They concentrate on marketing and then they get the work done.  The life thing, though, is all over the place.  They work all kinds of hours to make sure everyone is kept happy... including me.

I don't mind that but a few more sticks wouldn't go amiss every so often.

The only thing that I can say in my human's favour is that the have a plan to start working less.  They know that a few months of really hard slog will mean that they can back off soon.

I don't believe it meself.  I think they'll go on to something else, but it's their dinner, if you see what I mean.

The point I'm getting to is this... imagine your business a chew toy with four arms on it.  Sometimes you'll get one arm being pulled harder than the others and this is okay for a little while, but gets boring if it happens all the time.  To make the game really interesting you have to have all four bits being pulled equally hard... then you have a really good game.

Managing the business, winning customers, working and having time off all have to be balanced, savvy...

But here's a little lesson about 'balance, averages and the short term...'

A German was shooting at rabbits (prefer to chase them, meself) and missed to the left hand side.  He aimed again and missed by the same amount to the right hand side.  He put his gun away and his companion asked 'Vot are you doing?'  'Vell, on average I know ze rabbit iz dead!'

Sometimes you have to get out of balance.  But have a plan to get back into it, savvy?

Throw me a stick... the bigger the better

I like chasing a stick... I like it even more if that stick is BIG.

I have to say, my humans are pretty good at throwing sticks for me but they look on in exasperation when I disappear into the woods and haul out the largest log I can find.

They don't thik I'll ever get my log off the ground and they're always surprised when I do and then even run with it.  They're even more surprised when I whack them on the back of the legs as I run passed... they think I've misjudged the gap, but actually I've got it just right!

But the bottom line to all this is that I'm just trying to teach them a lesson about business and balance.

Now I may be a dog but I'm not stupid... cute, yes... stupid, no...

I know that if I pick up a giant log at one end the other is not going to get off the ground and it's going to be difficult to carry.  My humans often get hold of their business by one end or the other... sometimes they're trying to increase doggy biscuits (sorry, I meant income) and they lose sight of the costs.  At other times they're controlling costs and lose sight of the need to spend money to get more customers.

They should be more like me.

They should walk on all fours and have fur...

That's as maybe ,but what I really meant is that I pick up my log in the middle and it balances just right.  I can run much faster with it than if I had it by one end and had to drag it.

In business, like with logs, you have to bite it in the middle and the thing will balance.  It's a false economy to be too tight witht he money, but you can't spend as though there's no tomorrow.

Pick it up in the middle, get some balance and, no matter how heavy it is, the business can be carried.

Boy, I'm good... just off to look cute in the shop window.