Getting Things Done

Oy Oy me old muckers... I'm back after being on me hols.

Yes, I've been away, thanks for asking, and a very nice time I had, too.  You see, it's much easier to wind Richard's mum and dad round me little claw than it is Richard himself.

Having said that, my sad face and a quick glance at the biscuit cupboard works wonders even on the Iceman, as he thinks of himself.

What a plonka!

Anyway, it's back to normal here at TaxAssist Towers.  I have a full programme every day.  After I walk one or other of me humans from home to the new shop I have to go round the rest of the team to make sure they're chivvied along and know what they're doing.  Once that happens I need a snooze for a bit because I have to have me strength for when customers come in.

You see it's my job to pad to the front of the office, give 'em a welcoming sniff and generally make 'em feel as though I'm pleased to see them.  After that I hand them over to Alan and he can do the manual stuff like making them coffee and that sort of thing.

Then I have to take Richard for his walk at lunchtime so he can have a wee before doing it all again in the afternoon.

Being around businesses and business people all day I get to hear some very funny stories, some stories that are pretty hair raising and others that just make you shake your fur in amazement.

Take the tale told by Bill.  Bill is one of me customers.  He has a couple of staff working in an office and they really make him pull his hair out...

Or at least they used to.  Bill is bald now, probably because he pulled so much hair when he was younger.

He was talking to Renee the other day about a job he asked one of staff to do.  A couple of days later he called his staff member into the office to ask how they were getting on.

'Oh, I've done what you asked,' says they.  'But I think I'll have to change it!'

What?

What's the point of that?

Why do something and then say to your boss 'it'll have to be changed'?

Much better to make the changes and then say to the boss, 'this is what I think needs to be done.'

Bill shook his has in exasperation when he told his story.  'What am I to do with them?'  He asks Renee.

'Coaching,' says Renee.  'You need to employ a coaching mentality.  Ask them what changes they think should be made and then ask them how they could have made things easier for you.'

Bill frowned.  'That could take ages.'

'Yes,' agreed Renee.  'And it's as frustrating as hell but if you're consistent with it eventually the message gets through and your team will start to do the things you want them to... first time.'

Bill left the office looking thoughtful.

It sounded like hello of a palaver to me.  If it was my choice I'd just bite their balls off and tell 'em what to do!

A nice cock-up to have

We, it has to be said, were at home to Mr Cock-Up in the office the other day.

It wasn't a bad cock-up, just funny, which is nice.  But it did make me smile because it simply proved what an eejit me human Richard is.

So here's the story.

It's January and I'm the principle woofer in an accountancy practice which means I'm busier than usual directing me staff as we deal with a million tax returns.  Here I am really making sure everyone is on top of their game:

At the beginning of the month me other human, Renee, met with a lady.  The lady handed over her records and they were passed to Richard to work on.

The process was repeated with another lady a day or so later and this work was handed to Stewart to complete.

All good so far and everything was under control, work done and tax returns completed.

So, on Thursday, lady 1 (who we'll call Rita) booked an appointment to sign her return at 10am on Friday.  Lady 2 (Sharon) didn't.

10am on Friday arrived and it was bedlam in the office: our new sharer, Graham from Contempo Lettings (www.contempolettings.co.uk/contact-us/contempo-edinburgh-south.html), had a client in, Renee was meeting with a new client, the window cleaners were in and then a lady walked in through the door and said she was here to sign her tax return.

'Ah', says Alan.  'You're our 10 o'clock!'

Renee still had her previous client so said to the person we had in reception 'Hi Rita.  I'm just with someone so I'll introduce you to Richard who'll talk you through your tax return.'

'Oh, okay,' says the lady smiling, 'No problem at all.'

Richard, with me padding softly behind him to make sure he did the job right, smiles at the lady and takes through into our Board Room.

'Okay, Rita, let's talk you through you tax return.'

At this point things got a little confusing.

'My name's Sharon,' says lady 2 in response.

'Oh,' says Richard.  'Do people just call you Rita?'  His voice tailed off slightly... 'Maybe as a nickname?'

'Not that I know of, my name is Sharon.'

Ah... Mr Cock-up was knocking on the door.

But not to worry, cos quick as a flash, with a mind like a steel trap, Richard grasped the situation.  'So, you don't have an appointment at 10?'

'No.  I was passing and you'd called a couple of days ago to say my return was done.  I thought I'd drop in on the off chance.'

'Right-e-o... so you don't want to sign a return for someone called Rita?'

'Not really.'

Richard left the meeting room to go and print the correct tax return form just as another lady was coming through the door.

'Hi,' says she to Alan.  'My name is Rita and I have an appointment to sign my tax return at 10 this morning.'

Don't worry, it all worked out in the end.  Richard explained he was with another customer and Rita kindly agreed to wait... 

But Sharon asked for a little time to digest her tax figures, which is fine.  Richard used the time wisely: he took Rita into our third meeting room and explained her figures to her.

Rita was delighted, signed the return straight away and left a happy woman.

Back to Sharon in the Board Room... she, by now had had the opportunity to digest the figures and was happy with her tax bill.  (Or at least accepting).  She also signed her return and left.

Phew!

Disaster averted and it all worked out in the end.  I'm glad Ricky Boy passed the little test I set him.

2013 - A Great Year?

Well, 2013 is drawing to a close.

Will we look back on the year with pleasure or with a sense of relief that it's all over?

Probably, as with all years, a bit of both.

But, however, you remember 2013 it was certainly a year which gave us plenty to talk about: funny, sad, outrageous and downright inspirational.  When I was looking back at some of the events of the year I was surprised that some of them were only in 2013 (I thought they were much longer ago) and other happenings which I remembered and Googled were 3 years ago!

So let's remember some of the things that happened last year.

There was a British (yes, British) winner at Wimbledon - the first for 7 decades and, generally it was a really good year for British sport, if you disregard the recent Ashes series.

We lost a few famous people during the year: Margaret Thatcher, Richard Briers, Michael Winner, David Frost, Peter O'Toole and, of course, Nelson Mandela.

We also gained a new member of the Royal Family.

There were bombings in Boston and Northern Ireland is getting fractious again.  In the Far East, there were threats from North Korea... have you seen the video with The White House in cross hairs?  It's very funny.

There were scandals about the use of the word 'Pleb' (haven't  they got anything better to argue about?) More importantly, the energy companies and the hike in charges they imposed.  Although, overall, politics and politicians were very bland.

The economic recovery is well underway and, according to the BBC Britain will be Europe's largest economy by 2030 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-25519110

The weather has caused massive issues both here and abroad.  Remember the devastating cyclones that hit the Philippines and Bangladesh... whilst Australia experienced the hottest January on record.  In the UK we had a fabulous summer but seem to be paying for it with wild Atlantic storms.

2013 seems determined to leave with a roar.

So, what about 2014..?

Wow: there's so much to think about.

Sports wise: there's a World Cup (probably) in Brazil.  Closer to home, the Commonwealth Games are in Glasgow.  And let's not forget the Winter Olympics kicking off in Sochi, in just a few weeks.

There's a massive shake up in Formula 1 with the old 2.4 litre engines being replaced with 1.6 litre Power Trains that make much more use of technology to get more power whilst using much smaller amounts of fuel. Does that mean Formula 1 is more than just a spectacles and is useful in terms of researcher for everyday motorists?

In Economics the recovery should really kick in and we should see a huge return in business confidence. Private businesses should finally take up the slack in terms of jobs, compensating for those lost from the public sector.  It will very likely be SMEs - you and I - who become the real force in the employment market.

However, there are likely to be some 'issues' with big business with more outrage about fees, costs and expenses being passed on to the everyday punter.   Just remember the vast sums of money being raised by councils from parking fines.

But it's political events, or rather, one political event that is going to define 2014 for the UK and, potentially the next few hundred years for us in Scotland.  The Referendum on Thursday 18th September could either herald massive change, upheaval and a new chapter in Scottish history...

Or...

It could just be talked about for a week on the news before fading from memory.

But, even more important than the referendum... we may get a tram moving in the centre of Edinburgh... with passengers!

Unlikely, I know, but there we go.

All in all, then, there's a lot to look forward to in 2014.  As always, though, it's the events that hit us from 'left field' that we're probably going to be talking about this time next year.

A Christmas Joke

Happy festives to you me hearties.

This week I thought I'd mark me return to the blogsphere with a little Christmas Joke for you:

Two peasants were walking along the street in communist Russia many years ago.

They were only half way home when it started to sleet.

Mrs Nureyev held out her hand and looked at her husband.  'Ah... it is a terrible thing that it has started to snow, da?'

Mr Nureyev looked at his wife as though a stoat had just grown out of her left ear.  'You foolish woman,' says he.  'This is not snow, it is rain.'

At this point a full domestic row ensued, almost coming to blows.

But suddenly, round the corner came a well known figure: a prominent member of the Communist Party and an important man in the town.

Mr Nureyev leans over to his wife and says, 'Let's ask the Party for a ruling in this matter.'  To which the Mrs agrees.

'Excuse me Comrade Rudolph,' begins the now slightly damp peasant.

'Yes, what is it?'  Barks the Party member.

'Ah, my wife and I were having a little disagreement about whether it was snowing or raining and we thought the Party might be able to give us an official ruling to clear up the matter once and for all.'

Comrade Rudolph looks at the couple and sniffs before holding out his hand to gauge the sleet that was still falling.

'It is rain!'  He declares and stalks off into the night.

'You see,' says Mr Nureyev, turning triumphantly to his wife before announcing, 'Rudolph the red knows rain dear!'

Happy Christmas darling ones and I'll be back with another Christmas cracker in a week or so!

Latest economic Indicator: Dog Grooming

It's fair to say that I have a little trouble wiv me fur... mostly at both ends but sometimes in the middle, too!

Let me explain:

Me fur is gorgeous.  It's wavy, soft and I love me dreadlocks.  Although, I have to say I caught Richard raising his eyebrows at one of me admirers last week when they asked Renee how long it took her to braid me hair int he mornings.

In fact, as a dog, I'm so utterly perfect that me humans need do nothing to me, beyond a little trim up every so often.

Even when I take me humans for a walk through the muddier areas of Edinburgh there's no issue.  We get home and I have a little nap.  The muck dries whilst I'm asleep and when I get up it all drops off me.  There's usually a Barney shape left on the floor, marked out in grit, Renee gets the vacuum out and it's gone.

Simples.

Someone else may have used that line already.

Anyway... me fur was getting a bit long and I've had to have a couple of trim ups (as previously reported) because me fur flops in me eyes and causes issues around me nether regions... usually in the form of clinkers.

But, fans, I'm delighted to report that I'm all ship shape and Bristol fashion at the moment with no fur related issues to report.

Me recent trips to the dog grooming parlour have got me thinking, too.  You see, I saw a whopping great brand new van this morning that said 'Mobile Dog Grooming Studio' on it.  Then I saw another one (also brand new) and then someone came into the shop to set up a new canine cuttery business and so it goes on.

I'm certain there are more people setting up Pooch parlours than ever before (probably all hoping to have a shot at me).  Then by the powers of doggy deduction I've worked out that other businesses must be starting up as well and therefore the economy is on its way up.

Forget Mark Carney (Governor, Bank of England), just come to me, Barney Doodle (Governor, Bank of Dogs) and I'll tell you what's what.

In other news the new shop is progressing nicely and we'll probably be moving about the 12th December.

No pressure then.

Have a Goal

I have many opinions and ideas about business - all of them correct... at least from a dog's point of view.

And people are beginning to catch on.  Just look at O2's new advertising campaign.  'Be More Dog'!  I bet they got that from me.

Anyway, I'm about to give you the benefit of my infinite doggy wisdom and, if you follow my wisdom, success is guaranteed.  Errrr... I may have over egged the pudding with that last comment, but only a little bit.

Thinking about that I was allowing me humans to watch a film the other night and it had a brilliant line in it: 'Everything will be all right in the end and if things aren't alright, then it isn't the end!'

Brilliant.

Anyway, I was thinking about the effect of having a goal on people and I remember a time we was out with Richard's puppy, Adam.

It was a while ago when Adam was a bit younger.  It was  a hot summer's day and we were out for a bike ride with Adam and his older sister Katie.  Well, they were out for a bike ride, I was running.  I can't ride.

I'm a dog.

Katie had ridden ahead and was a few hundred yards (sorry, metres) up the road when all of a sudden Adam just stopped.  'I can't go any further,' says he, 'My legs ache and I'm too hot.'

Richard stopped, too, wondering what he could do to get Adam to move and thinking it was a long walk home carrying 2 bikes and an 8 year old boy.

'Come on, mate,' says Richard, 'Let's crack on.'

'No, I'm not moving!'

Then Richard had a brain wave.

'I tell you what, let's get to Katie as quickly as we can and then we'll have an ice cream.'

Adam was back on his bike and peddling like mad before Richard could spell k-n-a-c-k-e-r-e-d.

So, let's examine the facts.  Adam, who a moment before couldn't go another yard (sorry, metre) on his bike because he was so tired was now peddling like mad to get to his sister who was waiting outside a row of shops.

What had changed?

Not Adam... not the distance to be travelled... not even the weather.

It was simply that he had a goal to aim for, something to achieve with a reward at the end of it... and that's the effect of having a target to shoot for.

Although it pains me to say it, me humans are pretty good at that sort of thing.  They have a long term goal in mind and then everything they do ties in to that goal.

So my piece of advice to you, me dedicated fans, is to set some goals, give yourself something to strive for and then go for it.  It's almost irrelevant whether you make it or not - simply having the goal, as long as it's stretching enough, will mean that your performance will improve.

Go forth and set targets...

My nether regions

Hello, me hearties...

The clocks have gone back which, to my mind, means that it gets late early, if you see what I mean.

The weather is finally cooling down, the wind is blowing and the rain is falling... which is why it baffles me that me humans decided to get me a haircut now, just when I could really do with keeping me golden locks.

In fairness they have been trying to get me a shearing for a while without much success.  The lady who used to do me (so to speak) is having a break 'cos she's not been very well and another guy took one look at me dreads, shook his head and said, 'Sorry, I dursn't touch them!'  And left pretty smartish.

Eventually, though, me human Renee got a recommendation from a lady down the pub, she rang the place and Richard delivered me yesterday afternoon to get a trim.

He was given fairly strict instructions by Renee about what he had to say:

1. A good trim
2. But not too much off
3. Don't brush
4. Use scissors, not clippers
5. Tidy up face (the cheek of it)
6. Trim in belly area
7. Sort out the extra furry bits around me nether regions so clinkers don't form

Well, the bloke was as good as his word (and clearly terrified of making a mistake) because he left me pretty shaggy... which is nice.

Except around me gentleman's area.

I got a good shave around me bum and balls and me gentleman sausage too.

The problem is, I'm now aware of it 'cos I can feel a breeze and have the constant desire to... erm... shall we say 'tidy it up' at regular intervals.

I just know Richard is praying for someone to make the appropriate comment when I'm sitting in the middle of the floor with one leg behind me ear and me nose buried down below; you know the one:

'Oooh!  I wish I could do that!'

To which, of course, the only acceptable response is (altogether now): 'Give him a bone and he might let you!'

Boom Boom.

Anyway, my haircut wasn't too drastic so I'm still able to keep relatively warm.

So, on to the shop.  Things continue to move: the lease is going backwards and forwards between solicitors, quotes are coming in thick and fast, the architect is almost finished and we're starting the process of getting 'sharers' - people who are going to rent desks from us: if you know of anyone who is looking for a desk, point them in my direction.

In fact, the only thing that's holding us up is Planning Permission which should be through in a couple of weeks... so watch this space 'cos there's a big party coming!

You can keep up to date with progress on the move by Liking our Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/AccountantsEdinburgh) or follow us on Twitter (@ReneeMackay)